i am completely lost.

i am completely lost in life so i'm just gonna rant/vent about my feelings here <3

i have no dreams, goals, aspirations anymore. i've lost the ability to even think about those things. i just try to get through each day and hopefully find it semi-bearable. i usually am on my own, i seem to repel people, i seem to be a "problem" and no matter how much i try i cannot make new genuine friends anymore. i spend every evening dreading the next day and usually ending up in tears.

my body is slowly falling apart it seems with more symptoms everyday - the newest being stress-induced nosebleeds. i'm in pain and discomfort everyday. i'm trapped by executive dysfunction. i know i'm annoying to people but i can't stop myself still reaching out because i feel so alone.

i watch on the sidelines as people i used to know move onwards and upwards and i'm left in the dust on my own. i used to think about how my future would be and none of my old dreams happened or will happen.

it's really tiring pushing through each day but i'm still trying. i don't try for myself anymore but just for others.

i hate how i look - i don't like that i've put on weight, or that i pick my skin or how my face looks or my voice sounds. i wince when i see myself in a mirror.

it all just feels a lot. i know i'll be okay i just want things to be okay for me and for me to be happy again.