when nothing is working out

i've tried to be as positive as i can about things but sometimes it is just so overwhelming when nothing is working out for you and you feel like your life has absolutely no meaning!

this is just a ramble/vent post to help release frustration!

i've been trying to run a small business since 2020 and it's been incredibly difficult to get views on my website let alone sales. less and less people visit everyday and less and less engage with my social posts to advertise. nothing hurts more than putting your art out there and you're met with silence. if my shop disappeared no one would notice.

i've been streaming for 3+ years as a way to have fun, make friends + support myself and it's been an uphill battle. recently i'm just feeling so frustrated because i'm doing all the right things but i can't seem to progress at all. i'm not growing, i'm not reaching new people, people don't see my socials posts. i look at others enjoying themselves, growing steadily + getting opportunities and i just wonder "how can i achieve that for myself?".

i can't seem to make new friends or develop acquaintances into friends - i just get ghosted.

i can't work a job because of my health so my streams + my shop were a way to support myself but it hasn't worked out that way.

i find myself most of the time thinking what i did "wrong" that maybe put people off? is it how i talk? how i look? how i act? is it my adhd? is it because i'm "too much" or "not enough"?

i live with my parents with minimal savings and no future ahead of me. i have no plans and honestly ambitions faded away a long time ago. i'm likely stuck here forever - never to start my life. i'm disabled + chronically ill but other people manage so why can't i? why am i left without a sense of community or without many friends? when you remove all the factors you're just left with me. so it must be something i did. but what? no one will tell me.