Can You Avoid an Old High School Friend at the Bus Stop? A Decision Tree

1. Do you have a mobile phone? Can you act like you have received an important call?

A. I have the latest iPhone, and I studied at the Cours Florent in Paris for three years, under the tutelage of the great Cédric Blanc. I have trained my entire life for this moment.

B. Yes, and I once spoke to the Pastor who played King Herod in my local church’s Nativity.

C. I’m on a digital detox.

If you answered A or B, you have successfully avoided an awkward encounter. Well done. If you answered C, please proceed to the next question.

2. Are there other people at the bus stop? Can you pretend to know them?

A. Yes, there’s a small crowd, including a friendly looking woman with a pug. She’s wearing red glasses to boot, and I have doggy treats in my coat pocket.

B. There is a drunk man yielding a kitchen knife.

C. I am alone.

If you answered A or B, you have successfully avoided an awkward encounter. Well done. If you answered C, please proceed to the next question.

3. Are there any places to hide around the bus stop?

A. Yes, it has a covered shelter and advertising panels. I am a master of parkour and will simply maneuver behind the Chanel No. 5 ad, just on the other side of the high school friend.

B. There is a thin tree, the size of a pole. I could, in theory, stand behind it. My body would stick out, but it would block most of my face, removing any risk of eye contact.

C. There is nowhere to hide.

If you answered A or B, you have successfully avoided an awkward encounter. Well done. If you answered C, please proceed to the next question.

4. Can you run away?

A. I am a world-class athlete, vying for gold in the 200-meter dash at the next Olympics. I can turn and sprint so fast that my old high school friend will never catch me.

B. I tore a ligament last week mowing the lawn. I can hobble, but it will cause permanent damage.

C. I have gout.

If you answered A or B, you have successfully avoided an awkward encounter. Well done. If you answered C, please proceed to the next question.

5. Do you have access to cyanide?

A. Rejoice: my trusted cyanide! I always keep a little vial, just in case. Because, if I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that you could bump into an old friend from high school at any moment.

B. No, but I can see a pretty big rock.

C. Alas…

If you answered A or B, you have successfully avoided an awkward encounter. Well done. If you answered C, then I’m afraid you will have to have an awkward encounter with a high school friend.