I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

teaboot: > I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.” > > the crowd murmurs uncertainly. > > “If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.” > > Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo. > > “People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?” > > “I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe. > > “You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries. > > “Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third. > > A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid > > This is a metaphor