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  "path": "/post/809549316662411264",
  "publishedAt": "2026-02-25T19:06:31.000Z",
  "site": "https://tumblr.sztupy.hu",
  "tags": [
    "teaboot"
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  "textContent": "teaboot:\n\n> I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”\n>\n> the crowd murmurs uncertainly.\n>\n> “If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”\n>\n> Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.\n>\n> “People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”\n>\n> “I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.\n>\n> “You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.\n>\n> “Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.\n>\n> A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid\n>\n> This is a metaphor",
  "title": "I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”"
}