Make Them Laugh: Three Easy Steps

ONE. Procure nitrous oxide. Amateur comedians who stare at their feet every Thursday night may resort to desperate measures after years of shame. For suicidal dentists, this step is simple.

TWO. Generously donate ten canisters of “stage fog” to Laugh Machine, to be installed near vents. Rig secret remote triggers on each: you’ll TELL them when to laugh!

THREE. Alone in the spotlight, release gas as needed to survive coughs and smirking faces. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should your sweaty fingers jam the remote buttons, releasing all the gas at once with a faint hiss.

FOUR!? Between giggling gasps, try to warn everyone maybe although every word you say is hilarious everyone’s finally rolling in the aisles together and the laughter goes on and on

Chris Clemens lives and teaches in Toronto, surrounded by raccoons.