Watch Out For Those Fees

Obviously, going to print with piddly retail squabbles is the stuff of hacks. But I'm hacky enough, and still stunned enough by the upselling tactics, that I just gotta share. I’ve previously noted that some power people here at Defector have occasionally suggested I try to write regularly about food, because they think I’m a weirdo about eating, and most mundane things. I’ve always begged off, mostly because a column is work, but also because I’m the most easily pleased eater of all time. I’d have to call my column "Portions" because I would rate every eatery based on how much food was piled on my plate. (This post could also be Exhibit A of why putting me on the food desk is a dumbass idea.) But I’m also the cheapest mofo who ever lived, so were there such a column, a Portions ethos would be: “It ain’t the deal you get, it’s the deal you think you get.” And making you feel like you got your money’s worth is not a science, it’s an art. My lunch last week was artless as hell. And relentless. Death by a thousand gouges.