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  "path": "/watch-out-for-those-fees",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-01T16:33:21.000Z",
  "site": "https://defector.com",
  "tags": [
    "Food",
    "Life Lessons",
    "fees",
    "portions",
    "rants",
    "take my lunch—fees!",
    "I’m the most easily pleased eater of all time"
  ],
  "textContent": "Obviously, going to print with piddly retail squabbles is the stuff of hacks. But I'm hacky enough, and still stunned enough by the upselling tactics, that I just gotta share.\n\nI’ve previously noted that some power people here at Defector have occasionally suggested I try to write regularly about food, because they think I’m a weirdo about eating, and most mundane things. I’ve always begged off, mostly because a column is work, but also because I’m the most easily pleased eater of all time. I’d have to call my column \"Portions\" because I would rate every eatery based on how much food was piled on my plate. (This post could also be Exhibit A of why putting me on the food desk is a dumbass idea.)\n\nBut I’m also the cheapest mofo who ever lived, so were there such a column, a Portions ethos would be: “It ain’t the deal you get, it’s the deal you think you get.” And making you feel like you got your money’s worth is not a science, it’s an art. My lunch last week was artless as hell. And relentless. Death by a thousand gouges.",
  "title": "Watch Out For Those Fees"
}