worst smash tournament

I attend a Smash tournament, lonely and excited to socialize in a context I am good at. "The number of players for a round-robin tournament is (n^2 - n)/2, so if we have 6 or fewer players, we don't need to do a tournament-style bracket" I think to myself. I am the only one for the first 15 minutes Good thing I brought a controller because the host only had two broken Joycon. We wait 15 more minutes while they charge from dead. There is one Nintendo Switch for the whole tournament I offer my controller to someone else because they're talking Smash Bros as something they're new to. I take a busted Joycon The projector is blurry and does not fit on the screen They don't notice I bump my handicap up to 150% and I whup their butts while explaining what buttons let you jump We all get a prize because the prizes were for the top 3