The Hard Times – Punk News Comin’ Your Way! [Unofficial]

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Longform Stories

Horror Movie Monster Sick of Representing People’s Trauma

1d ago·1 min read·47 words

Opinion: So You’re Gonna Judge a Guy Solely by What He Says and Also Does and Thinks?

1d ago·1 min read·65 words

8 Weeks of Conversion Camp No Match for Scissor Sisters Album

1d ago·1 min read·54 words

In Honor of David Attenborough’s 100th Birthday, Here’s Some Narration We Did of Him Eating, Mating, and Showering

2d ago·1 min read·68 words

Four Out of Five Physical Therapists Now Recommend Just Astral Projecting Out of Your Fucked Up Body

2d ago·1 min read·66 words

Michale Graves Planning To Storm the Gates of Heaven if New Christian Music Career Doesn’t Get Him Admitted

3d ago·1 min read·68 words

Aging Couple Worries They Have Nothing Left To Talk About on Podcast

3d ago·1 min read·56 words

Reports Confirm Somewhere Between 3 and 97,000 Hantavirus Diagnoses This Week

3d ago·1 min read·53 words

Opinion: You Lose 100% of the Fights You Don’t Start

3d ago·1 min read·51 words

Pope Leo Says No Place for Hate in World Except Towards White Sox Front Office

4d ago·1 min read·62 words

Not Bad! My Dentist Found Two Cavities, but at Least Sade Is Playing

4d ago·1 min read·58 words

Broken Credit Card Reader Momentarily Transforms Restaurant Into Cool, Cash Only Dive Bar

5d ago·1 min read·58 words

Song of the Summer: The CNN Breaking News Alert

5d ago·1 min read·50 words

Tom Cruise Outruns Treadmill

5d ago·1 min read·39 words

Homeowner Spends Entire Dinner Party Explaining Which Light Switches Guests Free To Use

6d ago·1 min read·58 words

Opinion: I Don’t Care That He’s the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, This Is the Best Haircut I’ve Ever Had

6d ago·1 min read·72 words

Remote Worker at Show Catches Up on Emails During Band’s New Stuff

6d ago·1 min read·56 words

Trump Administration To Institute Freedom 250 Draft

May 30·1 min read·45 words

New Study Finds Gen Alpha Lacks Skills To Tie Belongings Up in Bandana Hanging From Stick Before Running Away From Home

May 30·1 min read·74 words

Opinion: Cutting Bangs is Not “Letting the Intrusive Thoughts Win” Unless You Do It With a Samurai Sword You Grabbed Off a Museum Wall Before Getting Tackled By Security

May 30·1 min read·90 words

Report: Art Garfunkel Still Getting Ass From 1966’s ‘Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme’

May 30·1 min read·57 words

Trump Promises To End Iran War on Day One of Third Term

May 29·1 min read·55 words

Here’s Why Rewatching the Sopranos 4 Times Counts as Having Gone to Therapy

May 29·1 min read·58 words

Viral Looksmaxxing Tutorial Just Pirated Copy of “The Ugly Stepsister”

May 29·1 min read·51 words

Mountain Goats Release Album About Mountain Goats Albums

May 29·1 min read·48 words

Five Movie Roles Tim Allen Didn’t Get Because of Cancel Culture and Also Because He Fucking Sucks at Acting

May 28·1 min read·70 words

Museum Audio Guide Gently Suggests Visitor Might Be Too Dumb To Get This One

May 28·1 min read·59 words

Hospital Billing Department Determined To Keep Battling Patient Long After Cancer Has Given Up

May 27·1 min read·60 words

Punks Chant ‘Encore!’ at Costco Sample Lady

May 27·1 min read·45 words

Woah Little Dude, Chill! This 3rd Grader Wants To Begin His Cussing Career With “Pissfucker

May 27·1 min read·62 words

8 Movies You Could Never Make Today Because It’s Already 2 PM and Making a Feature Film Typically Takes Several Months, if Not Years, From Development To Pre-Production to Principal Photography to Post-Production To Marketing and Distribution

May 26·1 min read·105 words

Performative Ally Manages To Fail at Both Performance and Allyship

May 26·1 min read·52 words

RFK Jr. Asks if He Can Bring Trump’s Rotting Arm Home to Put in Freezer

May 26·1 min read·61 words

RFK Jr. To Throw Extravagant Memorial Day Barbecue Featuring Two of Every Animal

May 25·1 min read·58 words

How Many Fucking Beatles Documentaries Are Gonna Be Enough for You Goddamn Maniacs?

May 25·1 min read·58 words

Kid Rock Sees His Shadow on Memorial Day Signaling Six More Weeks of War

May 25·1 min read·60 words

Rebel Without a Cause Clearly Not Looking Very Hard

May 24·1 min read·50 words

5 Other Orifices You Can Get the Godsmack Sun Tattooed Around!

May 24·1 min read·53 words

Efficient Friends Cancel Plans While Making Them

May 24·1 min read·45 words

Quiznos Mascots From 2004 Still Looking for Forever Home

May 23·1 min read·50 words

The Next Jordan Peterson? This Transphobic Twit Makes His Bed Before Getting Numb on Benzos

May 23·1 min read·61 words

Dying Fetus Album Features World’s First ‘Prenatal Advisory’ Warning

May 23·1 min read·49 words

Landlord Adds $500 Pet Deposit for Rats Living in Attic

May 22·1 min read·52 words

Study Finds America’s New Retirement Age Is Death

May 22·1 min read·47 words

Opinion: This Global Energy Crisis Means People Need Improv More Than Ever Right Now

May 22·1 min read·60 words

Sociologists Confirm: Midday Coffee Best First Date For People Who Love Shitting and Panicking

May 21·1 min read·59 words

Four California Common Core Education Standards Not Being Met in the “Hot for Teacher” Music Video

May 21·1 min read·63 words

Scientists Discover Direct Link Between Sending AI Videos to Your Friends and Being a Fucking Dweeb Who Can’t Read the Goddamn Room

May 20·1 min read·76 words

Bitch Alert! This Woman With No Kids Enjoys Her Life — Guest Post by That Creepy Guy Staring Across the Bar at You and Your Friends While You Bask in Your Beautiful Independent Life

May 20·1 min read·100 words

U.S. Treasury Announces Trump Money Doubles as Dude Wipes

May 20·1 min read·50 words

IRS Forced to Get Trump on Lesser Crimes of Rape and Pedophilia

May 19·1 min read·56 words

Opinion: Oh, Cool, She Was Serious About the Witchcraft Stuff

May 19·1 min read·52 words

Man Can’t Tell if Friend’s Art Show Surrealist or Bad

May 19·1 min read·51 words

Ken Burns Foaming at the Mouth After Being Invited to PowerPoint Party

May 19·1 min read·56 words

Kash Patel’s Official Travel Schedule Suspiciously Similar To Upcoming Papa Roach Tour Dates

May 18·1 min read·57 words

Person Comparing Artichokes in Produce Section Running on Pure Instinct

May 18·1 min read·52 words

Why “Love Is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar Justifies My Combat Veteran License Plate

May 18·1 min read·60 words

Aging B-Boy Has Groove in the Heart, Kidneys, Lymphatic System

May 18·1 min read·52 words

Stephen Miller First to Receive DMV’s Organ Recipient Card

May 17·1 min read·50 words

My Name Is Spam Risk, And No One Will Answer My Calls

May 17·1 min read·56 words

Looksmaxxing Metalhead Purposely Fractures His Cranial Bones To Reshape Skullet

May 17·1 min read·51 words

Food Network Introduces New Show ‘Bring Bobby Flay To Full Orgasm’

May 16·1 min read·54 words

Heartbreaking! Man’s Sex Playlist Officially Becomes Masturbation Playlist

May 16·1 min read·48 words

The Sphere to Use Cutting-Edge Technology to Help No Doubt Fans Forget Who Gwen Stefani Likely Voted For

May 16·1 min read·68 words

As the Mayor of This Town That’s Outlawed Dancing, I’d Like To Clarify That Our View on Sodomy Is Surprisingly Progressive

May 15·1 min read·73 words

Man Renews Gym Membership on Off-Chance He Becomes Completely Different Fucking Person

May 15·1 min read·56 words

Hungover Man Emerges From Bender With 23 New Streaming Subscriptions

May 14·1 min read·52 words

Famous Movie Curse? Everyone From ‘Poltergeist’ Is Now Craig T. Nelson

May 14·1 min read·54 words

Democrats Divided on How to Not Respond to GOP Gerrymandering Wins

May 13·1 min read·11 words

Guided Meditation Interrupted by Ad for Worlds Strongest Knife

May 13·1 min read·9 words

Landlord Excited to See What Tenants Will Fix for Them Next

May 13·1 min read·11 words

Help! I Want to Recommend Angine de Poitrine to everyone, but I Can’t Pronounce Their Name

May 13·1 min read·16 words

Punk House Enters 28th Consecutive Month of ‘No Mow May’

May 12·1 min read·10 words

Show Me the Rule That Says I Can’t Take a Rotisserie Chicken, That I’ve Already Paid For, Into the Piggly Wiggly Men’s Room

May 12·1 min read·23 words

Nation’s Beefcakes Demand All ‘Appetite for Destruction’ Shirts Be Sold With Sleeves Pre-Cut

May 12·1 min read·13 words

Hamburger Helper Glove Admits to Visiting Epstein’s Kitchen Island

May 11·1 min read·9 words

We Sat Down With Jonah Hill and Told Him to Just Knock It off Already

May 11·1 min read·15 words

Prescribed Antidepressants Thwarted by Mitski

May 11·1 min read·5 words

Total Backfire: The Recently Unclassified UFO Files Link Donald Trump to Another Massive Pedophile Ring, but In Space

May 10·1 min read·18 words

Man Referring to Everyone as ‘Cunt’ After Two Week Australian Vacation

May 9·1 min read·11 words

Fuck It: Here Are Five Other Con Men From Queens We Can Also Elect to the Presidency

May 9·1 min read·17 words

Aging Punk Worried He’s Getting Too Old to Sell Out

May 9·1 min read·10 words

Inept Sex Talk Has Son Wondering If Dad Somehow Virgin

May 8·1 min read·10 words

Show-Off at Concert Waving Lit Torch

May 8·1 min read·6 words

Oh, You’re a Cradle of Filth Fan? Name Three H.P. Lovecraft Stories

May 8·1 min read·12 words

Epstein Suicide Note Oddly Resembles Courtney Love’s Handwriting

May 7·1 min read·8 words

Local Man Waiting to Form All of Opinion Before Hearing the Facts

May 7·1 min read·12 words

Report: 75% of Boomer Men Adding Instagram Porn Bots to Their Living Wills and Testaments

May 7·1 min read·15 words

We Asked 5 Americans if They Could Spot the Difference Between the Australian and New Zealand Flags, and They Just Started Crying and Asked for Healthcare

May 7·1 min read·26 words

The Only Difference Between “Tax the Rich” and a Racial Slur Is I Don’t Become Erect When I Say “Tax the Rich” – Guest Post by Steven Roth

May 6·1 min read·28 words

Environmentally Conscious Man Gives Up Drinking Water to Counteract His Rampant AI Usage

May 6·1 min read·13 words

New OJ Simpson Biopic Will Focus On “The Juice’s” Life Up To June 1994

May 5·1 min read·14 words

Delta, United, American Airlines Reaffirm Their Commitment To Charge Higher Prices for Increasingly Shitty Experience

May 5·1 min read·15 words

‘Star Wars’ Fans Rejoice as George Lucas Continues to Keep His Opinion of Trans People to Himself

May 5·1 min read·17 words

Local Weatherman Disappointed Storm He Hyped Didn’t Kill More People

May 5·1 min read·10 words

6 Celebrities Who Look Totally Different Now Because They’re Dead and Are Mostly Bones at This Point

May 5·1 min read·17 words

Hasbro Releases Updated Monopoly Game with Multiple Detention Centers, Higher Rents, and No Chance of Winning

May 4·1 min read·16 words

Gen Alpha’s Einstein? This 5th Grader Can Read at a 5th Grade Level

May 4·1 min read·13 words

Hardcore Show Doorman Enforcing Strict 14 Tattoo Minimum

May 4·1 min read·8 words

Irritating Friend Clearly Just Learned the Word ‘Hegemony’

May 3·1 min read·8 words

Oh, You’re A KISS Fan? Name Three Ways To Monetize A Logo

May 3·1 min read·12 words

Bullshit Romantic Comedy Drama Doesn’t Even Have ‘Solsbury Hill’ on the Soundtrack

May 3·1 min read·12 words

New Superhero Emerges With Power To Know Exactly How Many Cars Would’ve Fit on This Curb if Everybody Didn’t Park Like Fucking Assholes

May 2·1 min read·23 words

Pretty Neat! Here Are Five Canadian Metal Bands Who Don’t Have To Worry About Going Bankrupt From an Emergency Room Visit

May 2·1 min read·21 words

Bruce Springsteen Clarifies He Meant ‘Little Girl’ in the Misogynistic Way, Not the Pedophile Way

May 2·1 min read·15 words

Sleep Paralysis Demon Pretty Nice Guy Once You Get to Know Him

May 1·1 min read·12 words

Boss Who Doesn’t Pay You Enough Wonders Why You Don’t Travel More

May 1·1 min read·12 words

We Interviewed Vertical Horizon While Thinking They Were Tonic, but It Didn’t Seem To Make Any Difference

May 1·1 min read·17 words

Second Lemmy Added to Mount Rushmore of Bassists

Apr 30·1 min read·8 words

Tom Hanks Reveals His Character in ‘Saving Private Ryan’ Was Also a 13-Year-Old Who Had Wished To Be Big

Apr 30·1 min read·19 words

Well Fuck Me Then! Friend of a Friend Introduces Himself Like We Didn’t Already Drunkenly Meet at a Party Nine Years Ago

Apr 30·1 min read·22 words

Humiliated Man Wipes His Ass With Toilet Paper Like a Woman After Running Out of Dude Wipes

Apr 29·1 min read·17 words

Weird: This Person Who Listed Their Political Affiliation as ‘Moderate’ on Dating App Seems To Love Donald Trump

Apr 29·1 min read·18 words

Girl Boss Hires Girl Thugs to Beat Up Girl Union

Apr 29·1 min read·10 words

King Charles Says Trump Is “Like My Brother to Me”

Apr 28·1 min read·10 words

RFK Jr. Has Jeans Permanently Fused to Body

Apr 28·1 min read·8 words

We Ranked Every Dream Theater Album Chronologically Because We Didn’t Want To Listen to Their Music

Apr 28·1 min read·16 words

Local Subway Celebrates 5th Anniversary, 2nd Customer

Apr 27·1 min read·7 words

Quiz: Cannibal Corpse Song Title or Stephen Miller’s Pornhub Search History?

Apr 27·1 min read·11 words

Guy Wearing T-Shirt With Blazer Probably Some Kind of Cool Creative Genius

Apr 27·1 min read·12 words

“I’m About To Be So Annoying” Announces Person Who Was Already Annoying

Apr 26·1 min read·12 words

My Life is Just Like ‘Euphoria’ Except for All the Sex, Drugs, and Friends

Apr 26·1 min read·14 words

Visionary Photographer Tells Band to Look as Bored as Possible

Apr 26·1 min read·10 words

Gunshot Awakens Donald Trump at White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Apr 26·1 min read·9 words

Doctors Recommend Disappointingly Low Number of Lunch Beers

Apr 25·1 min read·8 words

Top 5 National Parks My Company Can Destroy To Build an AI Data Center

Apr 25·1 min read·14 words

Anthropologists Discover Uncontacted Metal Subgenre

Apr 25·1 min read·5 words

Groupie Upgrades From Bassist to Merch Guy

Apr 24·1 min read·7 words

What the Fuck? Glenn Beck Is Playing Synths on the New Ariel Pink Album, and It Sounds Really Good

Apr 24·1 min read·19 words

Therapist Reassures Patient It Completely Normal for Loser Like Him to Feel That Way

Apr 24·1 min read·14 words

Little Debbie Gives Little Kid Little Diabetes

Apr 23·1 min read·7 words

Worst Member of Family on Track to Outlive Everyone

Apr 23·1 min read·9 words

Listen Here, Liberal! Our Grandfathers Fought and Died So You and I Could Enjoy the Freedom To Have Billionaires and Pedophiles Destroy Every Enjoyable Part of What It Means To Be Alive

Apr 23·1 min read·32 words

Local Man Basically the Next Elvis if You Only Count the Abusing Adderall on the Toilet Part

Apr 22·1 min read·17 words

NFL Cracks Down on Domestic Violence Reporting

Apr 22·1 min read·7 words

We Interviewed Powder Because We Thought He Was Billy Corgan

Apr 22·1 min read·10 words

Study Shows Shadowboxing Next to Playground Still Best Way to Battle Demons Most Bitch Asses Couldn’t Even Comprehend

Apr 21·1 min read·18 words

RFK Jr. Patents Denim Condoms

Apr 21·1 min read·5 words

How Mudflaps Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About How Often Calvin Pisses on the Yankees Logo

Apr 21·1 min read·15 words

Marlboro Introduces Non-Marijuana Cigarette for Dry 4/20

Apr 20·1 min read·7 words

Owala Designs Bottle Specifically for Parents To Drink Booze During Boring Children’s Events

Apr 19·1 min read·13 words

Feel Old Yet? The Nazi-Saluting Kids in the “Jeremy” Music Video All Work in the Trump Administration Now!

Apr 19·1 min read·18 words

Report: Hearing ‘One Way or Another’ Still Best Indicator That You’re Involved in a PG-Rated Movie Chase Scene

Apr 19·1 min read·18 words

Tesla Programmed To Drive Exactly in Your Blind Spot

Apr 18·1 min read·9 words

We Sat Down With Porn Enthusiast Mike Johnson To See What He and His Son Have Been Jacking off to Lately

Apr 18·1 min read·21 words

Metallica Fans Now Choosing Between Fuel, Fire, and That Which They Desire Due to Trump Economy

Apr 18·1 min read·16 words

Hegseth Prays for Blessing From Boondock Saints

Apr 17·1 min read·7 words

Rattail Artfully Tucked Into Collar for Interview

Apr 17·1 min read·7 words

Mom Gently Explains to Son Tooth Fairy Is Just Metaphor for How State Extracts Value From Your Body

Apr 17·1 min read·18 words

Has Technology Gone Too Far? AI Just Came for This Guy’s Job as Well as His Wife, Kids, and Assets

Apr 17·1 min read·20 words

Opinion: I’d Make a Far Better CEO of McDonalds Because I Can Choke Down Four of Those Burgers Even When I’m Crying and Listening to Enya While Stuck in Traffic in My 94 Honda Civic

Apr 16·1 min read·35 words

Mamdani’s Luxury Property Tax Forcing More Billionaires To Choose Between Clone Organ Harvesting or Private Gladitorial Arenas

Apr 15·1 min read·17 words

Bodyguard Jumps in Front of Politician To Block JD Vance Endorsement

Apr 15·1 min read·11 words

L’Oreal to Only Test Makeup on the Ugly Rabbits That Need It

Apr 15·1 min read·12 words

Venue Changes Name, Owner, Staff Mid-Show

Apr 15·1 min read·6 words

Friend of Polycule Beginning to Feel Like 7th Wheel

Apr 15·1 min read·9 words

Every Member of the “Midnight Society” Ranked by How Much I Resent Them for Not Letting Me In

Apr 15·1 min read·18 words

Roommate Technically Right But Doesn’t Need To Be a Little Bitch About It

Apr 14·1 min read·13 words

Trump to Guest Star on Upcoming Episode of “The Pitt”

Apr 13·1 min read·10 words

Is He Even Good at This? 5 European Authoritarian Leaders Rob Schneider Has Failed To Keep in Power

Apr 13·1 min read·18 words

Nerd Alert: Man Quits Drinking Just Because Doctors, Family Beg Him To

Apr 13·1 min read·12 words

Why Pooping Until My Legs Fall Asleep Should Be Considered Exercise

Apr 13·1 min read·11 words

Mark Zuckerberg Lingering Around Cubicles Until Someone Notices New Durag

Apr 13·1 min read·10 words

Researchers Unveil Sex Robot Capable of Feeling Shame About What Just Happened

Apr 12·1 min read·12 words

Opinion: I’m Like a Spy, but for Just This One Girl

Apr 12·1 min read·11 words

Dive Bar Unveils Safe Haven Drop Box for Unwanted Bassists

Apr 12·1 min read·10 words

Decade of Failure Rebranded as ‘Rough Patch’ for First Date

Apr 11·1 min read·10 words

Real Life Severance?: This Woman Got So High at Work She Forgot Who She Really Is

Apr 11·1 min read·16 words

Mega Man Gains Ability To Rap After Defeating Method Man

Apr 11·1 min read·10 words

Trust Fund Hipsters Return To Ancestral Coachella Grounds to Mate

Apr 10·1 min read·10 words

The Next Jello Biafra? High School Kid Juggles Jazz Band, Marching Band, Wind Ensemble, and Side Project With the Melvins

Apr 10·1 min read·20 words

Millennial Blows Life Savings on Three Boxes of Magic Spoon

Apr 10·1 min read·10 words

Trump Threatens Cuba With US-Style Health Care

Apr 10·1 min read·7 words

CVS Employee Who Unlocks Embarrassing Ointments Never Forgets a Face

Apr 9·1 min read·10 words

A Man of the World: This Guy Is Actually Open to a Short-Term Relationship

Apr 9·1 min read·14 words

Vans to Partner With Life Alert for Aging Skaters

Apr 9·1 min read·9 words

Man Foolishly Believes He’s Hit Rock Bottom

Apr 8·1 min read·7 words

Inspiring! This Non-Profit Raised 7 Billion Dollars for Temporary Sports Arenas During the Largest Homelessness Crisis in Modern History

Apr 8·1 min read·19 words

McDonald’s Overhauls Deal Menu With $17 ‘Fuck You Burger’

Apr 8·1 min read·9 words

Who Said It? Donald Trump or Rita Repulsa

Apr 7·1 min read·8 words

Adulting Win! I’ve Successfully Hidden the Body

Apr 7·1 min read·7 words

12-Year-Old Audiophile Insists Weird Al Sounds ‘Warmer’ On Vinyl

Apr 7·1 min read·9 words

‘Out of Order’ Sign on Urinal No Match for Free-Thinking Libertarian

Apr 7·1 min read·11 words

Man Clearly Going Through Something Buys Really Big Fantasy Book

Apr 6·1 min read·10 words

The Next “Angel Is the Centerfold”? I Think My Old High School Crush Is in This Footjob Cumpilation

Apr 6·1 min read·18 words

Marky Ramone Announces Ramones Reunion Show With Hologram Joey Ramone, Hologram Johnny Ramone, Hologram Dee Dee Ramone

Apr 6·1 min read·17 words

Dirty Dishes Stalemate Reaches Plastic Fork Stage

Apr 5·1 min read·7 words

Score! Someone Left Their Half-Empty Miller Lite Pounder on Top of This Venue Urinal

Apr 5·1 min read·14 words

Dave Mustaine Reveals He Only Gave His Life to Jesus Christ After Every Other Deity Rejected Him

Apr 5·1 min read·17 words

Punk House Microwave Needs To Be Preheated

Apr 4·1 min read·7 words

An Actual Living Hell: You’re Walking at a Slightly Similar Pace as the Person in Front of You

Apr 4·1 min read·18 words

Report: ‘Dude Looks Like a Lady’ Sucks Too Hard To Worry About How Problematic It Is

Apr 4·1 min read·16 words

Trump Fires Eric as Son

Apr 3·1 min read·5 words

Skateboarding Dog Loses Job to AI Video of Skateboarding Dog

Apr 3·1 min read·10 words

How Can I be Racist if Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song” is on My Playlist?

Apr 3·1 min read·14 words

Trump Calls for Boycotting Every Springsteen Song Except the One That Goes “Hey Little Girl Is Your Daddy Home?”

Apr 2·1 min read·19 words

So-Called Eric Clapton Fan Safely Protected Against Measles and Rubella

Apr 2·1 min read·10 words

Aging Millennial’s Finger Mustache Tattoo Goes Gray

Apr 2·1 min read·7 words

Modern Day Robin Hood? Kalshi Is Giving War Profiteering Back to the Little Guy

Apr 2·1 min read·14 words

Oh, Like Your Husband Never Engaged in a Bimbofication Fetish While You Had an Affair on a Taxpayer-Funded Luxury Jet – Guest Post by Kristi Noem

Apr 1·1 min read·26 words

Here’s What Rising Gas Prices Means For You at the Pump

Apr 1·1 min read·11 words

Absolutely Tragic: Chris Jericho Announces Plans To Continue Releasing Music

Apr 1·1 min read·10 words

Local Man Owns Inappropriate Number of Guitars for Skill Level

Apr 1·1 min read·10 words

We Sat Down With Cybergoth Icon The Predator

Apr 1·1 min read·8 words

‘Beat Bobby Flay’ Unfortunately Just a Cooking Show

Mar 31·1 min read·8 words

Are You a Fan of The Gaslight Anthem or Have You Just Stopped Taking Your Wellbutrin?

Mar 31·1 min read·16 words

Disappointed Concertgoer Learns Band Only Performs Live Version of Their Songs

Mar 31·1 min read·11 words

Wildly Popular Travel Agency Makes Plans and Then Cancels Them

Mar 30·1 min read·10 words

Why My Collection of Old Slayer Shirts Is Better Than a Roth IRA

Mar 30·1 min read·13 words

Impending Civil War Delayed by 2026 Weird Al Tour

Mar 30·1 min read·9 words

House Democrats Release Video Singing ‘Imagine’ Together

Mar 29·1 min read·7 words

Five Songs on My Sex Playlist That’ll Have You Saying “Isn’t This Just Cheap Trick’s Greatest Hits?”

Mar 29·1 min read·17 words

Radio Station Unclear on How, Why Anyone Calling To Request Songs in 2026

Mar 29·1 min read·13 words

‘Power Couple’ Shocked To Learn No One Else Calls Them That

Mar 28·1 min read·11 words

We Sat Down With Future Supreme Court Justice Kid Rock

Mar 28·1 min read·10 words

CDC Announces Final Eradication of Bieber Fever

Mar 28·1 min read·7 words

We Taste-Tested Five Different Weezer Album Covers

Mar 27·1 min read·7 words

RFK Jr. Starts Day With Massive Rip From Smoking Manhole Cover

Mar 27·1 min read·11 words

Minimalist Couple Uninterested in Adding a Third

Mar 27·1 min read·7 words

Awesome! Here Are Five Bands That Anthony Kiedis Isn’t In

Mar 26·1 min read·10 words

Conservative Version of Goodreads Only Has the Bible and ‘The Art of the Deal’

Mar 26·1 min read·14 words

Israel Sends 1000 American Paratroopers to Iran

Mar 25·1 min read·7 words

Canned Microbrew With Beautiful Artwork Shittiest Beer You’ve Ever Tasted

Mar 25·1 min read·10 words

JD Vance Greeted With Boos During Annual Visit to Wife’s Bedroom

Mar 25·1 min read·11 words

Little Bit of Help Please! I’m the Man in the Box, and I’m a Little Concerned That Alice in Chains Forgot I Was Still in Here

Mar 25·1 min read·26 words

Man’s Veneers Way More Disturbing Than His Old Teeth

Mar 24·1 min read·9 words

Sovereign Citizen Makes Exception for Costco

Mar 24·1 min read·6 words

ICE Agent Unsure How to Conduct Pat-Down Without Leaving Bruises

Mar 23·1 min read·10 words

Portland Barista Fired After Failing To Display ‘The Little Prince’ Tattoo

Mar 23·1 min read·11 words