Lion, Kitten, Boar

The scent of hot coffee and fresh pastries filled the air as two men slouched in front of the woman's table. The blonde one gesticulated as he spoke, while the brunette stood with his hands in his pockets, looking around the room.

"Hey, c'mon, don't be shy. I'm a lion, and we're some honorable motherfuckers, ain't we?"

"Yup"

"But we're also some familial motherfuckers, if you know what I mean, and I've been looking for my queen for a long time"

"For sure"

"Now, my boy here tells me you're a lioness, and he knows his shit! He's got the gift, nawmsayn?"

"That I do"

The woman stared across the shop, watching her boyfriend as he stood in line, adjusting the cuffs of his mossy sweater such that they just barely covered his knuckles. A sigh and a yawn competed for her attention as the blonde yapped, before the irritation was finally too much to bear.

"I have a boyfriend. Please leave"

The blonde turned and chuckled.

"C'mon, sugar! That guy's a straight-up kitten, ain't that right?"

"Uh-huh"

"Shit, if that's how you like it, I don't mind being the little spoon here and there. But don't try and tell me that Mr. Sweater Paws is the end-all be-all here!"

The brunette had turned to face the room, and was slightly alarmed by the sight that awaited him as he did. He sidled closer to the blond and whispered in his ear.

"Boss, I think we need to step off here"

"What? I've almost got her, don't fuckin' blueball me"

"Boss, that kitten isn't a kitten anymore. I've never seen anything like it before"

"Man, what does that little twink have now"

"A wild boar"

The blonde snorted. "Hogs don't beat lions, dumbass"

The brunette mumbled something like "that's not how it works" before the blonde cuffed him on the ear and returned to the woman, who had pulled her phone from her purse and was idly tapping at Bejeweled. Meanwhile, the brunette watched as "Mr. Sweater Paws" gently set the pair of cups he was carrying down and pull the lid off of one. The saxophones that had previously been piping in cool jazz began to get louder, the kitten-boar stretching his shoulders before hunkering down, fluid spine hardening after untucking his pelvis. He pulled up his cuffs to reveal fingers tipped with immaculate nails, flexing them before picking the unlidded cup back up, huffing air through his nostrils, and padding up to the trio.

The blonde was in the middle of describing all the benefits of dating a "lion" before a throat was cleared behind him and he turned.

Scalding coffee coated his face and his shriek matched the pitch of the saxophones before the boar grabbed hold of his hair and slammed his face into the table nose-first. A crunch was followed by a yowl, and then by a crack as the boar brought the lion's forehead down onto the edge of the table and the lion crumpled to the floor, blood filling the gullies between the tiles. The boar turned to the brunette, who hastily grabbed his boss' wrists and dragged him out of the shop and into the parking lot.

When the brunette turned back, he saw that the boar had become a kitten once more, and watched from the curb as a frantic apology for spilling coffee on the woman became nibbling on a shared muffin, the kitten curling beneath the lioness' chin. Beside him, the blonde stirred.

"Didja get the plates on that truck?"