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  "path": "/post/8645269",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-31T05:47:32.000Z",
  "site": "https://hexbear.net",
  "tags": [
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    "tombruzzo",
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  "textContent": "submitted by tombruzzo to badposting\n34 points | 11 comments\n\nDIXHERTZ",
  "title": "What did the ancient roman say after slamming his penis in a car door 509 times in one second?"
}