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  "path": "/sweaty-ass-print-on-rowing-machine-already-fading-like-all-of-our-earthly-works/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-19T14:12:30.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "Sports",
    "Health + Wellness",
    "Vol 62: Issue 20",
    "Sweaty Ass Print On Rowing Machine Already Fading Like All Of Our Earthly Works",
    "The Onion"
  ],
  "textContent": "FORT WAYNE, IN—In a potent reminder of the inescapably transitory nature of all that is or ever will be, reports confirmed Tuesday that the sweaty ass print left on a rowing machine at a local Crunch Fitness location was already fading away, much like all of our earthly works and aspirations. According to gym sources, […]\n\nThe post Sweaty Ass Print On Rowing Machine Already Fading Like All Of Our Earthly Works appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "Sweaty Ass Print On Rowing Machine Already Fading Like All Of Our Earthly Works"
}