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  "path": "/sidewalk-closed-sign-leaves-pedestrians-frightened-wandering-helplessly/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-12T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "Local",
    "Former Print Exclusive",
    "Vol 62: Issue 6",
    "‘Sidewalk Closed’ Sign Leaves Pedestrians Frightened, Wandering Helplessly",
    "The Onion"
  ],
  "textContent": "CHICAGO—Plunged into sudden disarray and confusion, pedestrians on Augusta Boulevard were reportedly left frightened and wandering helplessly Monday after encountering a bright orange “Sidewalk Closed” sign. According to witnesses, a growing crowd of disoriented commuters were milling anxiously in front of the sign, with one woman sobbing quietly into her hands and saying, “But this […]\n\nThe post ‘Sidewalk Closed’ Sign Leaves Pedestrians Frightened, Wandering Helplessly appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "‘Sidewalk Closed’ Sign Leaves Pedestrians Frightened, Wandering Helplessly"
}