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  "path": "/god-discontinues-the-pebble/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-08T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "News",
    "Former Print Exclusive",
    "God",
    "Vol 62: Issue 6",
    "God Discontinues The Pebble",
    "The Onion"
  ],
  "textContent": "THE HEAVENS—In an effort to make the universe a more modern and efficient place, the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, confirmed Wednesday that He would be discontinuing the pebble. “Starting in the year of our Me 2026, I will be ceasing creation of the pebble so that I can turn My focus toward […]\n\nThe post God Discontinues The Pebble appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "God Discontinues The Pebble"
}