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  "path": "/surrogate-not-allowed-on-furniture/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-08T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "News",
    "Children",
    "Former Print Exclusive",
    "Parenting",
    "Vol 62: Issue 6",
    "Surrogate Not Allowed On Furniture",
    "The Onion"
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  "textContent": "SADDLE RIVER, NJ—Saying “Down, down!” in an assertive voice and repeatedly spraying her with water, local man Justin Landry emphasized to reporters Thursday that his surrogate was not allowed on the furniture. “I feel bad, but this couch is expensive, and I don’t exactly know where she’s been,” said Landry, adding that as much as […]\n\nThe post Surrogate Not Allowed On Furniture appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "Surrogate Not Allowed On Furniture"
}