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  "path": "/church-of-scientology-speedrunner-screams-after-barging-in-on-xenu-taking-bath/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-08T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "News",
    "Vol 62: Issue 18",
    "Church Of Scientology Speedrunner Screams After Barging In On Xenu Taking Bath",
    "The Onion"
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  "textContent": "LOS ANGELES—Howling in terror upon observing the Supreme Ruler of the Galaxy in all of His uncovered glory, TikTok creator Alex Morris reportedly screamed Friday after barging in on a bathing Xenu during a speedrun of a Church of Scientology building. “Jesus fucking Christ—what the hell is that thing?” Morris said mid-livestream as the ancient, […]\n\nThe post Church Of Scientology Speedrunner Screams After Barging In On Xenu Taking Bath appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "Church Of Scientology Speedrunner Screams After Barging In On Xenu Taking Bath"
}