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  "path": "/hibernation-ready/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-06T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "Real Estate",
    "Former Print Exclusive",
    "Vol 62: Issue 6",
    "Hibernation-Ready",
    "The Onion"
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  "textContent": "This warm, cozy home is move-in ready and features a pile of 100,000 acorns gathered by the previous owner. Reference #882011\n\nThe post Hibernation-Ready appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "Hibernation-Ready"
}