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  "path": "/its-not-like-youll-have-to-pay-it-off/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-04T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "Real Estate",
    "Former Print Exclusive",
    "Vol 62: Issue 6",
    "It’s Not Like You’ll Have To Pay It Off",
    "The Onion"
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  "textContent": "With societal collapse right around the corner, it might be time to roll the dice on this stunning ranch home that will make the perfect fortification against debt collectors or roving cannibal gangs. Reference #894710\n\nThe post It’s Not Like You’ll Have To Pay It Off appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "It’s Not Like You’ll Have To Pay It Off"
}