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  "path": "/markets-surge-after-trump-claims-he-had-sex-with-an-angel/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-03-24T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "Politics",
    "Donald Trump",
    "Economy",
    "Sex",
    "Vol 62: Issue 12",
    "Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel",
    "The Onion"
  ],
  "textContent": "NEW YORK—In what came as a welcome shock to investors amid recent dips in the global economy, markets reportedly surged Tuesday after President Donald Trump wrote in a Truth Social Post that he’d had sex with an angel. “I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THAT OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS AN ANGEL HAS VISITED ME IN […]\n\nThe post Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel"
}