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  "path": "/how-to-survive-an-avalanche/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-03-16T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "News",
    "Former Print Exclusive",
    "Vol 61: Issue 50",
    "Winter",
    "How To Survive An Avalanche",
    "The Onion"
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  "textContent": "Every year, dozens are killed and many more injured in the avalanches that surge down mountains nationwide. Here’s ways to avoid an untimely death by snow. Check God’s Wrath Level Before Heading Out: If forecasts indicate He’s angry with you, it’s best to stay in. Get Ready: To help ensure you are prepared, try getting […]\n\nThe post How To Survive An Avalanche appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "How To Survive An Avalanche"
}