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  "path": "/study-finds-98-recidivism-rate-among-americans-who-burn-mouths-on-hot-food/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-02-09T14:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "News",
    "Food",
    "Former Print Exclusive",
    "Vol 61: Issue 46",
    "Study Finds 98% Recidivism Rate Among Americans Who Burn Mouths On Hot Food",
    "The Onion"
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  "textContent": "STANFORD, CA—In a comprehensive, decade-long study of the self-destructive pattern, researchers at Stanford University recorded a shocking 98% recidivism rate among Americans who had burned their mouths on hot food. Despite the lingering numbness on their tongues or the roofs of their mouths, the study found that nearly all subjects who burned themselves on items […]\n\nThe post Study Finds 98% Recidivism Rate Among Americans Who Burn Mouths On Hot Food appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "Study Finds 98% Recidivism Rate Among Americans Who Burn Mouths On Hot Food"
}