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  "path": "/lord-of-the-rings-reader-cant-believe-how-long-it-taking-sam-and-frodo-to-fuck/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-02-04T16:47:45.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "Entertainment",
    "Books",
    "Sex",
    "Vol 62: Issue 5",
    "‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck",
    "The Onion"
  ],
  "textContent": "JACKSONVILLE, FL—Sighing in frustration as she turned another page devoid of sexual content, Lord Of The Rings reader Adrienne Heeren told reporters Wednesday that she couldn’t believe how long it was taking for Sam and Frodo to fuck. “Don’t get me wrong—I love a slow-burn, friends-to-lovers kind of thing, but I’m on the third book, and they […]\n\nThe post ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck"
}