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  "path": "/2026/05/06/a-civilization-will-die-tonight-says-donald-trump-as-he-enters-all-you-can-eat-shrimp-buffet-satire/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-06T20:16:53.000Z",
  "site": "https://dissentwatch.com",
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  "textContent": "CHURCH, VA — Employees at a local shrimp house were reportedly traumatized following a surprise visit by President Trump who, upon arriving, vowed that a civilization would die that night.",
  "title": "‘A Civilization Will Die Tonight,’ Says Donald Trump As He Enters All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Buffet (Satire)"
}