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  "path": "/2026/05/01/dad-sits-family-down-and-lays-out-summer-lord-of-the-rings-viewing-schedule-satire/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-01T18:29:57.000Z",
  "site": "https://dissentwatch.com",
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  "textContent": "LAKEWOOD, CO — In a solemn family meeting, local father Chandler Cooke gathered his wife and children into the living room to unveil the family’s detailed, non-negotiable Lord of the Rings summer viewing schedule.",
  "title": "Dad Sits Family Down And Lays Out Summer ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Viewing Schedule (Satire)"
}