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  "path": "/2026/02/24/trump-hires-team-usa-goalie-to-guard-southern-border-satire/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-02-24T18:33:12.000Z",
  "site": "https://dissentwatch.com",
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  "textContent": "WASHINGTON, D.C. — America’s national security received a significant boost this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had hired the goalie of the U.S. men’s Olympic hockey team to guard the southern border.",
  "title": "Trump Hires Team USA Goalie To Guard Southern Border (Satire)"
}