IDIOTS GUIDE TO THE APOCALYPSE

Christian Zionism, in terms that match its followers: simple, is the belief that the return of Jewish people to the land of Israel is not just history happening, but prophecy unfolding. Modern Israel is not merely a state, but a stage for the finale scene, and will cost 90% of the movie’s budget. For many evangelical and dispensational Christians, Israel’s restoration is treated as one of the necessary developments before the Second Coming of Jesus. That is why support for Israel is not just political for them, but spiritually paramount. Named after an unpleasant smell, Trump was never the Sunday school poster boy. Even his religious supporters often liken him to Cyrus, Isaiah 45, the Persian king whom God calls His anointed and chooses to free the Jewish exiles from Babylon, despite not being one of the faithful. That idea gave evangelicals a neat theological loophole – you do not need your man to be good, only useful. That is why Trump’s pro-Israel actions mattered so much in that world. Recognising Jerusalem as Israel’s capital in December 2017, opening the US embassy there in May 2018, recognising Israeli sovereignty over the Golan Heights in March 2019, and helping broker the Abraham Accords in 2020 all made him look, to Christian Zionists, like a man moving prophecy along in much the way that the Trojans pushing a horse were unaware of who was inside. However, the Christian Zionists appear to be missing a small detail, one often overlooked by American Christians, and it is called ‘The Bible’.The Bible’s moral standard is not actually about supporting Israel, it’s a lot of words, loads of them, mostly themed around justice, mercy, humility, truth, and a refusal to worship power. “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” – Micah 6:8 “But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream” – Amos 5:24 Matthew 25 weaves together three parables – the Ten Virgins, the Bags of Gold, and the Sheep and the Goats – and they all orbit one central theme: Be ready for the coming of Christ by living faithfully, wisely, and compassionately. And Revelation? Revelation is not fond of swaggering empires. It does not applaud wealthy, militarised, self-glorifying powers that dominate trade, dazzle the nations, and demand loyalty to a Cheeto in a suit. It simply calls them beasts. So even if Christian Zionists were right about helping set the stage, that does not mean they are the good guys in the story. In fact, the Bible already has a habit of God using deeply flawed rulers as instruments and then judging them anyway, – like a plot device with a punishment scheduled for later like an IOU. So if Christian Zionists are right that Israel’s restoration matters prophetically, then America’s support of Israel may indeed help bring about the final act. But Revelation does not suggest that the empire which helps set the stage gets a gold star and a pat on the head. It suggests that beastly power still gets judged. If you follow the actual moral line running through the text, the returning Christ stands against arrogance, deceit, oppression, idolatry, and empire dressed up as righteousness. He does not side with power because power said something nice about Jerusalem. Honestly, this isn’t George Orwell’s 1984, you can’t just quote bits and pretend you read it. Trump is not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy, but if his followers have mistaken him for the hero then, in the logic of their own book, and reading how that scene ends, I hope they remember to wear suncream.