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  "description": "Ten minutes of nerve brought to you from the descent into caregiving.",
  "path": "/i-thought-i-was-scaling-a-mountain/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-04-12T23:46:51.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.bridgetkelley-lossada.com",
  "tags": [
    "Boris Baldinger",
    "Unsplash"
  ],
  "textContent": "> _Below are the ten-minute diary entries of one caregiver to a partner with frontotemporal degeneration variant lvPPA (primary progressive aphasia) and early-onset Alzheimer's disease. It may not read like a typical diary, but contains poetic and/or philosophical ramblings of the lived experience from day to day._ 😍\n\n> _The views posted here are those of one caregiver and should not be generalized to every caregiver's experience. However, you might find that it rhymes with your experience. Or you might be a curious observer of the experience, since all of us will be asked to care for someone or be cared for by someone at some point in our lives._\n\n> _Regardless, dear Reader, you are welcome here. May some of this be a balm for you. And, despite the warnings of those who have traveled the depths of the underworld previously, do not abandon all hope._ 💗\n\n### ❓Question– Did you train enough for the climb?\n\n### ⁉️Wrong Question– Do you have enough endurance for the descent?\n\n* * *\n\nPhoto by Boris Baldinger / Unsplash\n\n### Ten Minute Cantos\n\n> _(after Dante)_\n\n### I.\n\nThis is my Denali--\n\nwhat if I don’t have a map?\n\nAll I have are stories of the mountain\n\nA few people have given me hand-drawn maps--\n\nbut the maps are missing features\n\nincluding the highest peaks, and absolute locations of base camps.\n\nBut I can see detritus along the path.\n\nThere are suggestions of supplies\n\nwarnings about being trained:\n\nWhat to do first\n\ndaily announcements of the percentage of those\n\nwho will die on the climb– some will die on the descent\n\nThis mountain is supposed to be about the ascent\n\nI need oxygen now-- they didn’t say when I would need it--\n\njust that I would definitely need it.\n\n### II.\n\nQuestion for a mountaineer: Is it more difficult to descend the mountain than to climb it?\n\n_The descent is incredibly more dangerous. In part, it’s fatigue cost._\n\n_Statistically, more accidents and deaths occur on the descent. You’ve given everything to climb and left nothing for the other 50% of the journey. Now, when you need MORE strength to stabilize each step, you no longer have it. The ascent requires greater strength, whereas the descent requires greater stability._\n\n_The Matterhorn is the best example._\n\n### III.\n\nI am descending into the underworld\n\nI have not eaten pomegranate seeds\n\nI am an unwilling participant in this journey\n\nMuch like Dante\n\nPersephone,\n\nInanna,\n\nChrist (ok, maybe he was willing).\n\nPick one.\n\nI don’t know why I was tapped\n\nI understand why there is more than one ring\n\nmore than one circle\n\nThe descent is an undoing.\n\n### IV.\n\nWhat I want-->Not to be a caregiver\n\nWrite→ romantasy\n\n→poetry\n\n→speculative memoir\n\nMake → card decks\n\n→zines\n\n→potions\n\nCreate→ space to unwind\n\n→Place to read\n\n→to heal\n\nTo Be\n\nHave purpose\n\nTime\n\n### V.\n\nMy questions today are rhetorical:\n\n--Did Dante have a backstory for traveling down into the Underworld?\n\n--Did he wish to continue the descent after being abducted?\n\n--Was he the male version of Persephone? _No_\n\n--What’s the motivation? Other than revenge?\n\n--Can I truly use this trope?",
  "title": "I thought I was scaling a mountain",
  "updatedAt": "2026-04-12T23:46:51.571Z"
}