Forest Grove retires its zombie-attack plan

For more than a decade, the cities of Forest Grove and Cornelius have jointly planned for disaster, including the Hagg Lake dam bursting, a wildfire sweeping through town, a catastrophic earthquake, and a zombie attack.

No, it's not April Fools' Day. "Hazard Annex 12 - Zombie Attack" was one of 12 annexes that shape how city staff respond to disasters, attached to an overarching plan created for the two cities.

On Tuesday, May 26, councilors unanimously adopted a new emergency operations plan and silently did away with a 12-page document detailing how city employees should respond if the dead began walking.

The city of Cornelius adopted a new emergency operations plan in March.

"Zombie attack is considered the most destructive of all disaster events in this plan," the now-defunct document, included at the very back of the 708-page 2014 Cities of Cornelius and Forest Grove Emergency Operations Plan, said.

Among other things, it called for city staff to dispatch their infected coworkers, noted martial law could be declared, and called zombies "stupid."

"A human-caused source of death and destruction, it will subject the Cities to many unusual events outside its normal scope of operations," the document continued.

The drafter of the document — who was not identified — asserted that "Zombie behavior spectrum disorder," or ZBSD, would result in widespread attacks by flesh-eating "life-impaired" individuals.

In the beginning

The cities said early warning signs would begin far before "all-out total zombie war."

First would come the isolated disappearances of Forest Grove and Cornelius residents in remote areas.

Gruesome deaths and disappearances, especially at night, were sure to follow, according to the cities' official documentation.

Soon, difficult-to-kill, flesh-eating perpetrators would be seen, previous victims would appear as perpetrators, and survivors would increasingly become isolated.

The cities said there would be "documentation of lots of strange moaning," too.

Escalating zombie attacks could see martial law, military attacks

Violence could erupt from revolutionary groups, riots could break out, and zombies could attack "U.S. military facilities; economic facilities, and population centers."

Forest Grove is home to a National Guard Armory.

The plan called for martial law to be declared if needed, and said that residents could rely on the National Guard and state, local, and county police.

City staff would need to provide for their own defense, too, and even killing a zombie means paperwork for a municipality.

"Have clear policies and procedures for dispatching an infected coworker," the plan read. "Practice the 'double-tap' concept in all zombie and infected coworkers," and "complete the ICS-224 'Infected Co-Worker Dispatch Form' as soon as possible and forward to your supervisor," the plan read.

Asked to supply such a form in a public records request, city staff told News in the Grove no such form was found.

"There are no responsive records to your request," said Forest Grove City Recorder Mariah Woods.

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1. Annex Divider2. Table of Contents3. Purpose & Situation4. Situation & Assumptions5. Concept of Operations6. Roles & Authorities7. Appendices8. Appendix A — Response Tips