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  "description": "Hegseth expected to ring Pentagon bell at close of every operation.",
  "path": "/ceo-of-war-hegseth/",
  "publishedAt": "2025-10-29T12:00:46.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.duffelblog.com",
  "tags": [
    "I do push-ups and pull-ups!”",
    "Department of Defense back to the Department of War",
    "Cool Exciting Officer.”",
    "Subscribe now"
  ],
  "textContent": "THE PENTAGON — The Pentagon announced today that former Secretary of Defense/former Secretary of War Pete Hegseth will now hold the title _CEO of War_ , following what officials described as a “full-blown tantrum” during a cabinet meeting.\n\n“Secretary is a lady job!” Hegseth reportedly shouted, while the adults in the room continued their discussions on real issues and tried to ignore him. “I’m not a lady! I’m a big boy! I do push-ups and pull-ups!”\n\nRather than correct his form or explain the history of the title, defense officials opted to just give him what he wanted.\n\n“We figured renaming the Department of Defense back to the Department of War would shut him up,” said Gen. Dan Caine, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs. “But no, turns out the problem was the word _secretary_. Which is ironic, considering the man has a makeup studio in the E-Ring.”\n\nFollowing the announcement, a beaming Hegseth handed out hand-drawn “business cards” featuring his new title written in crayon. Each card came stapled with an invitation to his _War CEO Masterclass_ , a 12-part course on leadership via mirror flexing and yelling “hooah” at interns.\n\nWhen asked what “CEO” actually stands for, Hegseth replied, “I think it means Cool Exciting Officer.”\n\n### This post is for subscribers only\n\nBecome a member to get access to all content\n\nSubscribe now",
  "title": "Secretary is a lady job, says newly-minted CEO of War",
  "updatedAt": "2026-03-06T20:28:52.471Z"
}