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  "publishedAt": "2026-06-21T09:19:41.000Z",
  "site": "https://tumblr.sztupy.hu",
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  "textContent": "alias-milamber:\n\n> copperbadge:\n>\n>> copperbadge:\n>>\n>>> copperbadge:\n>>>\n>>>> copperbadge:\n>>>>\n>>>>> copperbadge:\n>>>>>\n>>>>>> Men, boys, and eggs of my acquaintance, I cannot stress this enough:\n>>>>>>\n>>>>>> Nobody worth being with will _ever judge you_ based on your deli sandwich choices.\n>>>>>>\n>>>>>> Sincerely, a dude who had to watch like two dozen men pretend to find vegetarian sandwiches unthinkable in order to maintain a sense of masculinity today.\n>>>>>\n>>>>> The sando gender spectrum I osmoted this weekend according to a specific type of dude:\n>>>>>\n>>>>> 1. Roast beef is the most masculine of sandwiches. The only sandwich it is permissible to ask for by name (we did not have roast beef as an option).\n>>>>>\n>>>>> 2. Ham is an acceptable substitute for roast beef. There appears to be some controversy, however, over the bread options; we only had two, croissant or ancient grains roll (gluten free). Croissant is considered slightly more manly than ancient grains UNLESS you are under 20 in which case “ancient grain” sounds badass.\n>>>>>\n>>>>> 3. Turkey is okay, obviously not ham but if you don’t like ham it’s an option as long as you don’t show enthusiasm for it. Definitely has to have mayo however. Mustard is a bit much. (Initial field research indicates mayo is the manliest of condiments but we have not introduced barbecue sauce into the study yet.)\n>>>>>\n>>>>> 4. Chicken salad is woman food. Absolutely not acceptable unless you announce loudly that it’s for your wife or that she’s making you for your health.\n>>>>>\n>>>>> 5. Vegetarian wraps require a recoil reaction or a sheepish “oh, no, no, what meats do you have?” protest. We had the veggie wraps off to one side so vegetarians could get to them more easily, and guys would come up to the wrap boxes because there was no crowd/line, then I’d say “that’s veggie wraps” and they’d stagger back.\n>>>>>\n>>>>> To be clear, most of the people of all genders at the event were totally fine, this was a small and specific set of guys – mostly older dudes and (unsurprisingly) their young sons or grandsons. Maybe 20-30 people out of the 400+ attendees. But it really was both sad and a little funny to watch them unnecessarily assert their manhood using deli meat to me, a guy in a floral shirt with neon blue hair handing out box lunches at a charity event. My indifference to your masculinity is so vast it has its own international calling code, fellas.\n>>>>\n>>>> Friends, I have volunteered in the lunch tent once more and I have new scientific findings to share regarding the Sandwich Gender Spectrum.\n>>>>\n>>>> We still do not serve roast beef, the most toxically manly of all sandwiches, but it turns out that there is a sandwich option almost as masculine, the mention of which will preclude a certain type of dude from even asking for roast beef:\n>>>>\n>>>> _The Italian_.\n>>>>\n>>>> For those unfamiliar, an Italian sandwich in most American sandwich shops is composed of ham, capicola, salami, and sometimes pepperoni, with provolone, the usual sandwich veggies, and a drizzle of Italian dressing.\n>>>>\n>>>> The hierarchy from ham-downwards remains undisturbed by this revelation currently rocking sandwich discourse, but new data has indicated that the Italian sandwich occupies a special place above ham and technically below roast beef but so acceptable a substitute for roast beef that I only had one guy ask me for it this time around. I would say, “We have ham, Italian, turkey, or veggie,” and the Certain Kind Of Man would look skeptically at the ham and then ask for an Italian.\n>>>>\n>>>> I am now working on my doctoral thesis in Sandwich Gender, where I will be examining whether there is a direct correlation between how masculine a sandwich is and how weirdly homoerotic the name is. I’m going to call it “I’d Like An Italian: Gender And Sexuality Between The Buns.”\n>>>\n>>> Ahead of the Sandwich Gender Spectrum Studies Department’s annual report on the September 2025 new data release, I wanted to share some recent findings by a research colleague at a prestigious academic institution on the east coast:\n>>>\n>>> ALT\n>>>\n>>> My sample size is growing all the time and my research is replicable.\n>>\n>> Field work in sandwich gender studies, sandothropology if you will, can be challenging at times. While my thesis has been supported by both independent researchers such as above and grant-holding professionals (aka “people who work in food service”), the window of time in which I perform my yearly field survey is brief.\n>>\n>> This year a new variable was introduced. The selection of sandwiches we were given to hand out was reduced to three: ham, turkey, or vegetarian. For the first time, the vegetarian option was a sandwich and not a wrap, as well.\n>>\n>> There seems to be something about the idea of a wrap that makes it particularly unpalatable to a Certain Kind Of Person; we didn’t have anyone getting hissy about being offered vegetables this year, and also got far fewer remarks about getting a turkey sandwich “for the wife” or “because she’s making me”. Perhaps when your options are realistically ham or turkey, rather than an array of choices that you have to navigate correctly, the social pressure eases off. Plus, ham and turkey both fall in the middle of the spectrum, so they’re a little more ambiguous than say, roast beef and chicken salad. Why bother performing gender for two almost equivalent options? (There’s a bisexuality joke in here somewhere.)\n>>\n>> I did have one guy furiously lecture me for about two minutes because we didn’t have any sandwiches on wholegrain bread, but if we’d had more sandwich options he’d have been mad we were spending the organization’s money unwisely on sandwich fripperies (I know him of old) so that barely registered.\n>\n> The Sandwich Thing is one of my most memorable examples of not being a Real Man[1], when a colleague saw the wrapper of my (Brie, Cranberry, Grape, Rocket) sandwich and said “Isn’t that a bit feminine?”.\n>\n> I’ll admit the phrase “I’m sorry you want to fuck my sandwich?” isn’t the *most* suitable for an office context, but it did make a third party expel cola from their nose.\n>\n> [1] Probably Imaginary Man, because being a Complex Man[2] seems like a lot of effort into something I don’t really value[3].\n>\n> [2] I.e Odysseus\n>\n> [3] if you were to arrange a scale of gender-devotee from agender at 0 to transgender at 100, I’d look at you strangely for a moment then wander off talking about cultural obsessions with quantification.\n>\n> [4] You’ve gone too far, abort.",
  "title": "Men, boys, and eggs of my acquaintance, I cannot stress this enough:"
}