Researchers at the University of Kentucky published a study Monday confirming that you should brace…

theonion: > Researchers at the University of Kentucky published a study Monday confirming that you should brace yourself for a massive personal disaster, because you are probably due to experience a big life tragedy soon. “Our results have found that since it’s been so long since you had something absolutely terrible happen to you, there is likely a massive calamity coming right down the pipeline,” said researcher Sean LaMonte, adding that you could expect there to be a day in the next month or so when you would wake up to 12 missed calls from everyone in your family, and that the reason would likely tear your life apart. > > Full Story