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  "path": "/post/812267616094863360",
  "publishedAt": "2026-03-27T19:12:43.000Z",
  "site": "https://tumblr.sztupy.hu",
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  "textContent": "theonion:\n\n> Historians confirmed Friday that a recent archaeological find in the Judean Hills is an authentic early Christian scroll, one that depicts the previously unknown miracle of Jesus Christ correctly guessing people’s weights just by looking at them. “The papyrus is remarkably well-preserved, with an unbroken Aramaic script that describes Christ strolling through Galilee with a serene smile, calling out, ‘Come forth, all ye people, but for a single coin of silver,’ before closing His eyes and naming a weight that was always accurate within a few shekels,” said biblical scholar Harris Solomon, noting that the scroll depicts a clay jar of small prizes kept beside Christ at all times to be handed out to anyone whose weight He guessed wrong, something that, according to the text, never occurred.\n>\n> Full Story",
  "title": "Historians confirmed Friday that a recent archaeological find in the Judean Hills is an authentic…"
}