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  "publishedAt": "2026-03-26T16:14:12.000Z",
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  "textContent": "theonion:\n\n> Stressing its commitment to ending foodborne outbreaks as efficiently as possible, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved a new crop of lettuce Thursday that can be remotely detonated in the event of a recall. “Our state-of-the-art exploding romaine lettuce heads will combust at the first sign of contamination,” said FDA Commissioner Martin Makary, adding that the ensuing fiery blaze would quickly exterminate all nearby bacterial pathogens, including  _E. coli_ ,  _Listeria monocytogenes_ , and  _Salmonella_.\n>\n> Full Story\n\nStill survives longer than Liz Truss",
  "title": "Still survives longer than Liz Truss"
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