Any professional writers here? Noob needs feedback please ;)

I am no professional writer, but I love reading.

My simple, straightforward advice:

Replace “you” and “I” with “one”; rephrase as necessary.

Inverse TLDR via Copilot’s wordening:

The piece slips between generic “you” and generic “I” , and a more consistent, formal alternative would be the generic “one” construction.

The deeper issue isn’t just pronoun choice but narrative stance drift. The text moves between third‑person narration, direct address, and personal essay voice, which creates a slight tonal wobble. Keeping a single stance throughout would make the piece feel more deliberate and controlled.

Joe deserves a more imaginative name too. Something with some symbolism. Even if nobody recognizes what it is beside you, it still comes through in the text, just enough to make a difference.