goodbye

wouldn't it be cool if i killed myself on the 4th of july?

anyway, more bullshit happened. like always. fuck my life.

so, you may or may not know this but my mom is homophobic/transphobic! yay!! i love how much of a petty, stubborn, narcissistic fucking bitch she is!

so, i guess we had an argument, a very unnecessary one that wouldn't have happened if she wasn't hating on gays and didn't have such a big ass mouth and let others speak. shes a so called "Christian" too (im sorry christians but if i ever say i hate you its because of her, she's the worst) and is so fucking stubborn that even though im just kindly trying to inform her about gays and their innocence, she still has her other dunce hat points she thinks she's smart for pointing out. shes a genuine troglodyte to the fifth fucking power and i hate that she refuses to learn anything from me because im "younger". living proof that middle aged people can also be idiots. also same person who cant correctly spell 1st grade words like "camera" and "different". and im the dumb one.

but anyway, now she doesnt want to listen to anything I say and is going back to her usual "i dont care how you feel" ways, i finally opened up to her about how ive been extremely depressed and manic and suicidal or whatever for years and ive gotten nothing from her. absolutely nothing. so yeah, i might just do it now. im tired of living around her hateful, negative blabbering-about-everything-and-everyone ass, im tired of being around people who dont even like me, im tired of reliving childhood traumas over and over and over again, i just want it to stop. i just want it all to stop.

ive been actively crying and shaking for a few minutes now, guess i needed to do that since ive been saying i wanted to cry for a few weeks now. but i seriously do. life handed me such a shit covered middle finger, and i want it to return to sender. i dont even care how i end myself off, i just want it done now. nobody needs me. nobody likes or want me. and in return, i dont need, like or want anybody either. i just want the world to go dark. i dont know what i did to deserve the torture ive been going through these past 18 or so years but it needs to stop here. its been far too long.

so if im dead, goodbye. if not, dont ask me why because i won't know. my mom never wanted to help me and honestly, despite all my kind ass has done for her good-for-nothing self, i never loved her to begin with. she has just been using me like everyone else i know, and im tired of it. and for the person who asked why i didnt love my mom 6 years ago, this is why. not every parent needs to be loved. some are just too abusive and hateful for you to.