{
  "$type": "site.standard.document",
  "description": "A before-and-after teardown of a real agency homepage — turning 'I' and 'we' focused copy into 'you' focused messaging that speaks directly to the visitor.",
  "path": "/articles/you-focused-website-language/",
  "publishedAt": "2022-12-14T04:29:09.000Z",
  "site": "at://did:plc:jznynyzgerlqmdbbj33o7wfs/site.standard.publication/3mnll3icujb2z",
  "tags": [
    "Marketing and Growth"
  ],
  "textContent": "You want to write in a way that speaks to your reader. Put another way, you want to make sure your marketing (e.g., email marketing, outreach emails, website language), uses “you” focused language, not “I” focused language.\n\nYou want to focus on the recipient, not just talk about yourself and your business. This rule applies no matter if you’re promoting your services as a consultant, pitching a guest article or interview, or promoting yourself. Make it about the reader, not about yourself.\n\nLet’s take a look at an example of the above-the-fold homepage messaging on a Shopify Partner’s website. We’ll:\n\nWalk through the messaging\nLook at how they are and aren’t using ‘you’ focused language\nIdentify specific changes they could make to improve their homepage\n\nThe website — Propeller\n\nThis is Propeller ([](https://www.propeller.co.uk/)https://www.propeller.co.uk/), a popular Shopify development agency. They have a really nice website, but it unfortunately has an almost entirely “I” focus.\n\nHere’s the website as of December 2022 — just the above the fold, the first pieces the visitor sees.\n\nNow, here’s the homepage again with everything with a ‘I’ focus highlighted in red:\n\nLots of red!\n\nThis website spends a lot of time talking about itself. Which is a shame, because it’s oh-so close to having a good ‘you’ focus.\n\nLet’s take at four ‘I’ focused pieces of copy and see how with just a little work, they can flip around to a ‘you’ focus:\n\nExample #1 - Main text\n\nWe are Shopify Plus Partners and WordPress experts creating seamless and stunning digital experiences.\n\nAdd a little 🪄:\n\nAs Shopify Plus Partners and WordPress experts, we can help you create seamless and stunning digital experiences.\n\nNot bad. It still has a bit of a ‘I’ focus, but now we’re at least mentioning the reader (’we can help you’).\n\nWhat if we drop that ‘Shopify Plus Partners and WordPress experts’ bit? Platform specialization can be highlighted elsewhere on the page (or in case studies/work samples).\n\nTrust us to create seamless and stunning digital experiences for your brand.\n\nBetter!\n\nExample #2 - Button text\n\nOur Web Design Work\n\nThis is a small bit of micro-text on the button. What if we have it say:\n\nMeet Our Clients\n\nThat isn’t a pure you-focus. It’s still talking about them. But the focus isn’t “Our Work” it’s “Our Clients,” which might not be a ‘you’ focus, but sure isn’t an ‘i’ focus. And it’s a nifty way to highlight that this button leads to client work examples/social proof/more information.\n\nExample #3 - Section headline\n\nAn integrated marketing agency for premium brands specialising in eCommerce, hospitality, food & drinks, and lifestyle brands.\n\nThat’s a mouth-full.\n\nZooming out, what’s the purpose of that sentence? I think it’s to highlight their specializations.\n\nAn integrated marketing agency for premium brands specialising in eCommerce, hospitality, food & drinks and lifestyle brands.\n\nI don’t think there’s any value in re-stating that they’re an integrated marketing agency. However, there is value in highlighting that they specialize in a few specific industries.\n\nLet’s add a little more 🪄:\n\nAs a premium brand in the eCommerce, hospitality, food & drink, and lifestyle industries, you can trust us to help you create seamless and stunning digital experiences.\n\nExample #4 - Micro Headline\n\nWebsites + Ecommerce\n\nThis just talks about their experience and specialization.\n\nMaybe we could use this space to mention their platform specialization?\n\nShopify Plus and WordPress Websites + Ecommerce\n\nThat gets some more keywords on there, but it doesn’t make the sentence ‘you’ focused\n\nHow about we reenforce their ‘premium brands’ positioning?\n\nWebsites + Ecommerce for Premium Brands\n\nNow instead of talking about what they do (websites + ecommerce) it’s talking about what they do and who they do it for (premium brands).\n\nLooking at it all together\n\nLet’s add those pieces of copy to the homepage and see how they look altogether:\n\nThat’s not perfect, but it’s an improvement. And honestly, that’s what you’re going for most of the time when you’re working on your messaging. Improvement, not perfection.\n\nWould you like actionable feedback and “do this, not that” suggestions on your website’s messaging, SEO, and user experience? With a Website Teardown (/services/teardown/), you’ll get an hour of long-form video feedback and actionable advice on how to make your website a better salesperson.\n\nExcelsior!\n\nKai",
  "title": "You-Focused Website Language"
}