This Hollow Ache

::: subchapter

Thump, thump.

Oil rushed through this body. She could hear the surge, the pressure. It never stopped. But it only got this loud when it wanted to attack.

She just wished it realized it couldn't. When this body itched, she scratched. When this body thirsted, she drank. When this body pined for violence, when the need to sink claws in and shred bristled like a coat, she struck.

Except when the target was her, and she had to refrain.

"She's mine. And I think I'll start by reformatting that bloated memory file of hers."

No! the thought was a hiss-shout in her processor, strangled from reaching her vocalsynth. Never. again.

Maybe her oil still pumped because she could hear those fucking words just as clearly as when she'd first uttered them. Could still see the smirk. The look of pity.

"So uh, V---"

Serial Designation V flinched. V stood in the bunker, and it was just her and N. No one else.

N, still in that butler's suit and tie, hair gently curling to frame a round face, bright yellow eyes angled in uncertainty.

"What?" She didn't snap, but she kept her tone sharp, repellent; he needed to keep his distance.

N frowned. He sat where the leader had sat, in the swivel chair. Tapping the keyboard buttons. A onscreen text editor filled with random characters.

With at V's words, he stopped and pushed off the desk gently. He turned the chair, trying to face her, but the angle and momentum meant chair kept spinning him around.

He started, "Well, about what J said. I think---"

"Drop it."

"But... I kind of promised her I'd talk to you?" He poked two fingers together as the chair continued to spin him.

"So what? You want to find the magic words you can say to fix everything?"

In between spins, his eyes widened. "Oh, there are magic words?"

"No." V reached out to grab the back of the chair and finally stop the spinning. She looked in N's eyes. "And if the topic is J, the only thing I want to talk about right now is mutiny. So you'd be doing her a favor by keeping me distracted~" V grinned with its teeth. The teeth gave everyone pause, even the predators.

Though N wasn't much of one.

She stood up and turned toward the door. Flicked the light-switch off and left him in the dark. But she heard him getting up, his footsteps coming up behind her, couldn't turn off the HUD that turned every audio input into a reconstruction of all the surroundings she couldn't see. Still, she walked away.

N said, "V, I don't want to push you away from the team."

And V paused. And waited.

"But?" she finally asked, tired of waiting for the blade to drop.

"Huh?"

"You don't want to push me away, but..."

Limbs made different sounds when they contracted than when they flexed. V could hear N curling up slightly. She'd heard it often enough, remembered each time. She could picture the subtle defensive posture.

He said, "That's not, no. There is no 'but'. I don't want to push you away from the team. So I won't make you talk about it, not if it's gonna make things worse. We can talk about other things."

V expelled exhaust. It's N. Of course it would be that simple.

"And if I don't want to talk?"

"Then we can talk nothing! I can be quiet. I think?"

V heard him take a step closer, so she started walking again, moving through the bunker. She stepped into a work room. In here, a laptop, a technician's toolbox, an inactive drone. Exactly what J wants to do to you.

She clenched a fist. But there's a way to stop that from happening.

N continued, "You seem like you're not doing too great. And I want to help, somehow. If I can."

"And if I told you to get lost, fly back to the spire and leave me alone?" V turned around, because she wanted to see the conflict on his face.

But N just said, "Then I'd leave."

V frowned.

He lifted a hand, rubbed the back of his head. "Don't know what I'd tell J though. I get the feeling she wouldn't be very happy. I'd figure something out, though!"

A head shake and V looked away.

"So, should I...?" N asked. He made a walking gesturing with two fingers which then rose up, turning to hand-flapping.

V rolled these yellow eyes, because it was that or laugh, and she didn't want to smile.

"No, you're right. J would go throw another fit. So stay here." V started walking again. N did too, and she matched his pace. "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?"

"I can stand J on a good day. You never get good days."

"Today was a pretty good day, I think." Behind her, V heard his body language open up.

V continued, "But you just keep trying. Still optimistic, even when---"

When just this morning, J told her that she'd have killed him if the company allowed it. But V couldn't tell him that.

"J can be harsh," N said, "but she wants what's best for us."

She couldn't tell him.

Nothing new there, though.

"You've got it backwards," is all V said.

J's game of harsh encouragement was a pretense --- even N could see that --- but the pretense wasn't the harshness. N's performance always struck V as an excuse, not a motivation. V had thought only she remembered, but...

J had always disliked N.

N followed V to the entrance room, the lights there still flickering. "Go get your jacket. And get out of that." V indicated N's butler uniform with a claw. She didn't finish her sentence.

Stepping in the airlock, V contemplated tearing her way out of here. She itched to. But no, stupid magic forcefield oil wires meant this body's strength was nothing here. What did J call them? 'Wards'? Meh.

The minute in the airlock was long, and the itch got worse. So V dragged these claws along the wall, carving grooves in what the centimeter or so the magic forcefields didn't protect.

Stuck in a box where she couldn't escape... Why hadn't J used her magic EMP blast to take these forcefields down? To fuck with her?

When the other door opened, V leapt into the house. Here, one swipe of these claws was enough to tear down the wall of the kitchen. There. It was good to have that kind of power again.

V dug the claws in, climbing over the walls and ceiling. She poked around the wires that snaked through the house, cutting this one and that. Appliance lights winked out in the kitchen as she cut them off from the backup generators.

Each bit of power cut was welcome --- it meant one less electromagnetic annoyance tickling its coils --- but she was really looking for the wire that would bleed oil, and shut down the magic forcefield for good.

[Oh, you waited for me! Hi!]{.adq} N chirped.

N found her before V found the wires. Jacket fluttering behind him, and he adjusted his hat. V was perched on the ceiling, so they looked upside down to each other.

V shrugged. "Didn't have anywhere else to be."

N switched back to his vocalsynth, saying, "So... is there anything you wanted to talk about, maybe?"

"Nope." Dropping down, flipping midair, wings out. "Let's go hunting."

"Ah. More murder? Well, if it's together."

"Hey, last night proved you can force J to say something nice about you, much as she hates to. Would be funny if she had to do it again."

"When you put it like that... Maybe we shouldn't be antagonizing her? When she's already mad at you?"

"Meh. Give her the night to get over it. Pretty soon she'll forget and move on," she said. Then quietly, "It's what always happens."

---

Thump-thump.

The core beat faster in the air. Didn't make sense, when she wasn't moving its wings. This body had to moved less high in the air than on the ground.

But since when did this body ever make sense?

V followed N. These eyes couldn't see the ground, especially not with this many clouds. The clouds never really went away, only ever clearing by degrees.

A misty sky hung over a dead planet. With the core collapse, these clouds had poured out, the last breaths lingering.

Perfect weather for killing.

N descended. From this distance, the impression of the city was the impression of its skyscrapers. Dark fingers grasping toward heaven, falling short and falling. They splayed, because between the tectonics and the weather, all the supports were on a timer till they decayed. More towers leaned than lay straight.

Could V go in and knock out the bottom floor of one of them? Would it bring the monoliths tumbling down? She had the strength to do it. It'd be immensely destructive, cathartic.

If any worker drones were inside, you wouldn't have serial numbers to give to J, she thought.

Because of course. If it'd be remotely satisfying, what would be the point in it?

Ahead, N spiraled down. V mirrored for a bit, then cut across the center of the spiral.

[Yo,]{.adq} V broadcast over shortwave, [are we flying in circles or do you actually know where we're going?]{.adq}

V liked to keep it casual over shortwave. Conversational. This body wanted every note to be growled or screeched like animal calls. J wanted it to be a protocol, all terse information-packets.

But it was all the same wiggles as sound in air. Nothing special about it.

[Sorry! Prey soon? Promise.]{.adq} Except when N said it, it wasn't animalistic or efficient. Just... simple. Like the transmissions let him bare his intent without anything getting in the way. [I know it's around here... somewhere.]{.adq}

['It' being...]{.adq}

There was a thoughtful acknowledgement-rumble in response, N chewing on how to explain. [J talked about factories, right? Saying prey was... multiplying? It reminded me of something I saw on patrol. If we took one of them down, I think she'd like that.]{.adq} Then, with it all laid out, N finally found a concise transmission. [Target: nest!]{.adq} He laughed.

With nothing but a thoughtful noise, V fell back into his undertow, keeping him a distance ahead. Distance enough he was a blurry shape to these optics. Once, a manufacturing defect --- now it felt more like a joke. She didn't laugh.

He descended faster, diving into the f