A Romance With Violence

::: subchapter Her life was flashing before her eyes and all Uzi Doorman could think was, I'm going to die having never kissed anyone. So this streak of stupid thoughts around J kept going. So much for not holding the idiot ball --- the scorpion and the frog is like, kindergarten stuff. Awful part of it all was... Uzi wasn't even mad. She imagined J killing everyone she ever knew and... that sucked. She'd try to stop it --- after all, it more than anything else was what had driven her to hack into J's system. It was a Bad Thing and she Should Not let it happen. Easy to devise those predicates --- but the data loaded into a symbolic register, not an emotional one. Was Uzi a monster for not feeling so bad about losing everything? Maybe if she had anything left to lose, or ever did. Uzi had never been understood. But what kept her going was that thought that she could change that, fight hard enough to punch through that wall of ignorance, force the world to understand her. It was enough she never truly felt hopeless, never thought there was no reason to go on. But now... when someone had finally recognized you as nobody else had, then decided to kill you anyway... Really, had Uzi ever received a more fair verdict? There was a gap, a separation between the two of them. Events had conspired to bring them extraordinarily close --- J had gotten to literally look inside Uzi's internal database, and Uzi had lived through J's formative memory. When Uzi's mind wandered, she brushed against glimpse-vague recollection of a shared inscape that slipped away like a dream --- weird core feedback stuff. Most of all, they had fought and saved each other's lives! And yet, even this close... it wasn't enough, was it? Uzi felt like she was reaching out toward J, her fingers almost able to touch her, grab her, hug her, hold tight. But she couldn't. Hands closed around empty air. There was a line --- Uzi was a worker drone, and J's mission was to murder worker drones. All of this connection... it was nothing, or so pathetically little it couldn't get through to her. Of all the things to feel right before a murder drone killed you -- anger, despair, hatred --- Uzi felt rejection. All of this... all of this angsty stew, all because J had to chase after Doll (all anyone every cares about is Doll, not Uzi), because J had to do her job, because even if Uzi had gotten closer to J than any other drone had, J still didn't care enough about other drones to listen to them, to let their pesky little needs get in the way of her control. You know what, actually, no, Uzi was mad. Because she should feel more conflicted --- but did J know that? Did she make any attempt to persuade her? Uzi could admit, maybe she wasn't a moral paragon. Already she harbored doubts about her 'destroy all humans' plan. J had made her into a cannibal and a killer. Maybe it wasn't cannibalism if they were already dead, maybe it wasn't killing if they were just zombies. But she was slipping. Could she stop J from pulling her further? Did she want her to stop? Khan had neglected her for the sake of his doors. Doll had abandoned her for the popular kids. Outpost-3 had been a colony of strangers. And J... J had praised her. J had hugged her. They kicked ass together! J was awesome. ...And J kind of sucked. If the murder drone could simply listen, would Uzi have done anything for her? Doesn't matter now. Too little, too late. J gave Uzi her ultimatum, so Uzi had to betray her before J could betray first. And Khan did what he could be counted on to do: abandoned her. The doors of Outpost-3 slammed to a close behind her. J was already snarling and lunging forward, nanite stinger curling over her shoulder. Uzi could barely see the stars fading behind her. J looked vicious and striking in the moonlight, silhouetted against a black morning sky. "You could have made a good disassembler, Uzi," she said. "Now I just hope you make a good meal." Her head inched closer, desire dark in her eyes. Uzi's should have had empty pupils --- not a blush. She opened her mouth to protest. J's hand at her throat, squeezing. "No. Quiet. Don't make this any harder than it already is. I should have done this a long time ago. I always... always planned to. But maybe the anticipation will make you taste all the sweeter. I've had prey fight back before, but your edgy spirit is just so irresistible." "Unbelievable," Uzi managed to choke out, vocalsynth vibrating through her chassis as much as her mouth. "I'm gonna be eaten by the one murder drone on Copper-9 who monologues." "You should feel honored, toaster. Do you think I monologue for anyone?" Her grip tightened, Uzi's choker sliding between her fingers. Beneath J, Uzi struggled. Her legs bent and pushed off the concrete, but the weight of a murder drone was too much. Try to move her arms, and J just pushed back hard, scraping her tubing against stone. Uzi growled. "All the crap you put me through, and I should feel honored? You're lucky I don't hate you." "But of course. How could you hate me when I've done so much for you?" An eyebrow raised as one eye became a purple loading icon. J was full of herself, sure, but that seemed delusional. Wait. She... doesn't realize? Suddenly, details clicked into place. J's gun pointed at Khan. "You, toaster, have you seen an insufferable bully come through here?" It was her dad. "All the more reason to shoot." J reacting with disbelief --- and dismay. "Is this really how you want to die? Throwing everything I'm giving you all away for a deadbeat who never did anything for you?" Did J... actually care? She'd seen Uzi's memories --- had J glimpsed how much Uzi hated it here, and thought killing them all was doing her a favor? Uzi wanted to ask. But did she want to know, or cling to the hope? What was worse: to know your life was a tragedy from the start, or only became one in the final moments? Uzi closed her eyes, and stopped resisting. And waited. Her processor kept ticking. "What's the hold up, J?" Uzi opened her eyes, saw J staring down at her. Three claw-blades descended to rip Uzi's life from her. They should be here in, oh, a week at this rate. "I've killed so many worker drones, but... this feels different." Uzi smirked. She should be relieved, but she just felt smug. "In the end, you don't want to kill me, do you?" One second, it was a level stare. Then an amber cross and the tips of claws pricked her torso and raked across the casing. J leaned in close, tongue lolling out. She spoke low, and Uzi could hear how every syllable sat in her mouth. "[Oh no no no, you little morsel. If I don't want to kill you, it's because just killing you is not enough. I need to turn you inside out. To feel your warm, sweet oil run down my body in rivulets as it cools my chassis. To run my tongue along your aching, struggling servos as you resist in vain. To bite and rip and sunder everything you are. I will devour you and turn every bit of you to my own purpose. I want to destroy you.]{.hunter-j}" Closer, closer, and in that yellow light she drowned --- just a bug caught in sweet amber. Uzi wasn't sure if she'd ever heard a drone talk while their visor displayed that hunter's wide cross. The tone was rougher than J's ever got. And J didn't wax poetic. This was a new side of J, and it made her feel... ...was she the first drone to have empty pupils and a blush at the same time? J reeled herself back suddenly, and the cross became two eyes. J gave a deep breath. "Excuse me. But suffice it to say: yes, I do want to kill you. I wanted to kill you in the landing pod, but I had to know how you got there, then I needed to tend to V, then I needed to fight the Solver, then Doll, then... I put it off, because I didn't want to do it quickly. I wanted to savor it. I wanted to give you what you'd... earned." "...Neat. That's uh, very normal." It made her think of--- "I can only kill you once, Uzi." Almost despite herself, cross-J was back, and disassembled her personal space. "[I want so much more of you than that.]{.hunter-j}" Then J pulled herself back again. Oh. If that's how it is... "Hey, J." "What now?" "C'mere, I need to tell you something." J stared at her. (Earlier, they hadn't, and it left Uzi wondering.) "Closer." J scowled at her. (And if she was about to die anyway.) "Closer." An anger mark above one eye, how cute. "Riiight there." Then Uzi and J did kiss. Even a murder drone had soft synthetic skin. Lips brush against lips. Warm against hot. Slick surfaces gliding against each other. Uzi's lips closed and pressed forward, but J's widened in surprise. She pulled back. With Uzi leaning forward, the touch persisted for a second. But J held down Uzi's arms, and pulled them, pinning her firm against the hard ground, restraining her. The kiss broke. J glared down at Uzi, still flushed. Realized she was still flushed, and executed a hunting function. Cross-J licked her lips and leaned closer. Then it was normal J again, arresting her forward momentum, holding herself still enough the effort had her slightly trembling. "Do you, uh, still want more of me?" Uzi whispered. J hissed. "Uzi. I'm trying to kill you. Stop making this difficult." "Is that an order, J? How mad will you be if I don't listen? Mad enough to---" "Shut. up." Uzi flinched, but had nowhere to move. J lunged forward, mouth open, hunter's cross --- she's attacking. But J was in control, and Uzi was helpless. Like always. Then J kissed Uzi. Visors clinked. The force of it jarred Uzi. Knocked her back, kinda hurt, ruined the angle. But J was twisting her head, pressing in close. Uzi had made J drool. She'd seen drops of it, when cross-J ranted about how bad she had the murder-hots for her little morsel. Now, J didn't even try to keep it in. She was drooling and it was getting on Uzi now