Help! I Can’t Stop Farting In My Personal Office!

Time for your weekly edition of the Defector Funbag. Got something on your mind?Email the Funbag . You can also read Drew over at SFGATE, and buy Drew’s books_while_ you’re at it_. Today, we're talking universal knife subsidies, noogies, desert island concerts, good doggies, and more._

PROGRAMMING NOTE: I’m out next week on Spring Break. That’s right, baby. Me and my boys are heading down to Cancun to crush some beers and mack on some fine ladies. And not necessarily in that order, muchacho!

I kid, of course. My family and I are off on a road trip all week, which was a good plan seeing as how air travel in this country is no longer possible. But fear not, we’ll have a guest host bagger ready for you folks, so email them your stupid questions and they’ll indulge you. Got all that? Sweet.