The Thursday Dispatch - 14 May 2026

Yesterday would have been my dad’s 81st birthday. He passed away in 2016, and the gravity of these two things hit me as I realized it’s been nearly a decade since he passed. It snuck up on me the day before. There was definitely some extra weight that came with all of it this time around.

It made me question a lot of things. It made me wonder if I was really done grieving his death. And if not, if I ever would be. I thought I was moving on fine after about two years. Maybe this is always a weight that gets carried with me. It made me wonder about any unresolved issues I had with him and the conversations I never got to have, things I have no control over now.

As my mind wandered a bit more, I started to wonder why the tenth is hitting harder. I don’t remember feeling like this the past couple of years. Why is there so much weight on the tenth? Or the fifth? Or the first? Or the twentieth? Where all those in-between numbers just seem to be space fillers of lesser importance. It doesn’t matter if it’s a death or some kind of loss or a happier occasion like a relationship anniversary. I think I’ve noticed a few things.

These milestone dates are a mark of survival. You’ve made it a full year with whatever it is. In terms of a loss, you’re showing you can make it without. Doesn’t mean any of it is easy. But, you made it dammit! The loss of my dad didn’t take me with it. I’m still here, still standing, and that’s a good place to start.

These are also points where you can easily measure your growth as you have a large body of work to look back at. How have you coped? How have you endured? The first couple of years after my dad passed, I was in a cloud of depression. As time went on, it began to sting less. I still wish I could have those conversations. But, I also didn’t have to live with his judgement anymore either. I started becoming more of myself, of who I wanted to be.

Milestone dates give a place for grief (and joy) to live. With a loss especially, there’s a kind of permission to be sad on that day. It’s a chance to take time for yourself to feel it all again, so that you can process it a bit. You live with it, analyze it like I’m doing in real time here, and then after a day or so, you pack it all back up, push forward, and continue living. Again, I don’t think it’s ever fully dealt with, but it is little bits at a time. I’m sure I’ll feel something on Father’s Day in a month.

They’re also hard-coded chapter markers of your life. The chapter my dad was around for is closed. The past ten years of grief are also now coming to a close. You can relive it through reflection and nostalgia, but it becomes more about noticing what’s changed in that time. I know I’ve grown in ways I would never have with his active influence, both good and bad. Now, it’s about writing the next chapter and making that one as good as you can. We have no clue where this thing is going, but in five to ten years, we’ll look back at the full picture all over again.

I’m unpacking all of this still. Within a week, I’m sure I would have moved on. Life will feel normal again until the next date. Then I’ll do all of this all over again.

Weekly Photo

This little brat took exception to me taking a nap and decided to yell during the entire thing. He doesn’t even pay rent.

This Past Week

• I Need to Hit the Gym
• The Ocean Breathes

Songs in the Chaos

This is my weekly list of songs that either caught my attention or came to mind this past week. I post these throughout the week on a site called Crucial Tracks, where they’re also added to a playlist on Apple Music. Feel free to follow me on either space.