Have spent pretty much every day since mid-January thinking to myself, “what if I just left this…

Have spent pretty much every day since mid-January thinking to myself, “what if I just left this sinking ship that is academia,” only to get thrown back into it with a glimmer of hope shimmering out from the horizon while remaining in such a precarious position of unknowing in the present that my body is physically breaking down in ways I could never have dreamed of And then every other day I have a bright-eyed queer student come to my office and tell me how meaningful my classes have been to them and how much they want to do what I do and ask if I’ll help them apply to grad school And the cognitive dissonance of trying to be honest with them about the economic and institutional realities of working in academia in this ongoing and deteriorating political moment without invalidating desires that I *share* so whole-heartedly is just fucking crushing So anyway yeah if you see me silent on social media and not updating that WIP I said I would have an update for in the winter…. This is why! The only good thing about all this is that I don’t even compelled to add an I’m sorry. I’m too exhausted to be sorry!