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  "path": "/articles/notes-from-a-tired-egyptian-guy-whose-job-is-explaining-that-humans-built-the-pyramids",
  "publishedAt": "2026-06-11T12:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.mcsweeneys.net",
  "textContent": "Day 4,382 of people asking whether “normal workers” could really move large stones without assistance from mystical sky beings.\n\nYes. That is generally how construction functions.\n\n- - -\n\nA man approached me near the Nile today and whispered, “But have you considered… visitors from the stars?”\n\nBrother. We do not even have reliable sandals yet. Why would intergalactic civilizations travel unimaginable distances only to help stack triangles?\n\n- - -\n\nPeople dramatically underestimate what thousands of organized humans can accomplish when they are adequately fed, aggressively supervised, and denied alternative career paths.\n\n- - -\n\nAnother traveler asked: “How could ancient people possibly understand mathematics?”\n\nExcellent question. We accidentally invented geometry while trying to avoid carrying rocks incorrectly.\n\n- - -\n\nThere is a strange tendency among future civilizations to imagine ancient Egyptians spent all day worshipping cats, speaking in riddles, and waiting for aliens to explain basic engineering.\n\n- - -\n\nI showed one visitor the ramps.\n\nThe pulleys.\nThe labor records.\nThe architectural planning.\n\nHe nodded thoughtfully and replied, “Interesting. But what if extraterrestrials?”\n\nAt this point, I believe some people simply find aliens emotionally comforting.\n\n- - -\n\nDo you know what sounds more believable than “A sophisticated civilization developed impressive construction techniques over centuries”?\n\nApparently: “Space people.”\n\n- - -\n\nYesterday, someone pointed at the pyramids and said, “There’s no way humans did this.”\n\nThis feels deeply insulting considering humans also created taxation, organized warfare, and raisins.\n\nClearly, we are capable of terrible perseverance.\n\n- - -\n\nThe workers themselves would be furious hearing these theories. Imagine dedicating twenty years to hauling limestone under desert heat only for somebody in the future to conclude, “Honestly, this feels Martian.”\n\nAlso, if aliens truly possessed advanced cosmic technology, why would they choose pyramids? Why not invent indoor cooling? Or chairs that support the lower back?\n\n- - -\n\nTomorrow, I must return to supervising entirely human workers using entirely human tools to build another entirely human monument that future people will somehow attribute to lizards from space.",
  "title": "Notes from a Tired Egyptian Guy Whose Job Is Explaining That Humans Built the Pyramids"
}