I Cannot Throw Away USB Cables, and It Is Becoming a Problem

Oh, I see you are reading this on a device. Perhaps you need to top off your battery? Do you need a cable for that? A USB cable? Because I have an assortment. I have somehow accumulated several lifetimes’ worth of USB cables, and I cannot get rid of them. How about a 1.0, 2.0, type A, A to B, B to C, or a micro to macro? Because somewhere in this plastic spaghetti, I have them. I have them all. Would you like one? Please, take a cable. I have too many, and it has become a burden, decades in the making. Please. Take a whole shoebox. I have USB cables from before the year 2000. Vintage cables that barely did anything, transferring JPGs pixel by pixel from one drive to another. Sometimes, not all the data made it. That’s called the Angelfire’s share. Actually, this one might not be a data cable. It might only be a charging cable. They don’t really tell you. You only find out five minutes before you need to present a PowerPoint to your entire company. Rest assured, we can find the right cable, though. I have entire desk drawers of USB cables. Shoeboxes under the bed. I wouldn’t be surprised if the shoes themselves came with a USB cable. I really can’t look at a shoebox without having a panic attack about what I am going to do with all these cables. I have an iPhone charger from 2005 with your name on it. I just bought an electric toothbrush, and it came with a three-inch USB cable. I wept. The drawers won’t quite close anymore. There’s always at least one cable trying to escape like a mad octopus. Whenever I move apartments, I have to hire help because I cannot carry them on my own. At least one mover is dedicated to the cables, usually a short but stout man in overalls. Sometimes, it’s an entire team of men with a van. You can find them on Craigslist. There are all sorts of connections available on Craigslist. I would know. I’ve offered up every USB ever made, free if you come pick them up. A bushel of cables? Sure. Cables by the pound. You won’t have a missed connection with these cables, friend. Is there some kind of orphanage that needs USB cables? Can I donate them to science? Does AI need USB cables? Perhaps some enterprising fashion students could knit the cables into a jaunty blazer, sort of an eco-friendly thing. Fashion for the future. Some day, the Wi-Fi will be down for good, the Bluetooth will be gone, and we’ll have no way to transfer data over the air. And then, surely, the masses will flock to my cables seeking a way to literally connect. Or we could braid some rope. Kind of depends on the post-apocalyptic situation. I also have the box from every Apple product I’ve purchased in the last twenty years. I’d recycle them, but they might have the charging cables inside. I wouldn’t want them to go to waste.