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  "path": "/articles/the-secret-meanings-of-pop-stars-names",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-14T12:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.mcsweeneys.net",
  "textContent": "**Dua Lipa**\nI have two lips.\n\n**Elvis Presley**\nSomeone has flattened the elves.\n\n**Elton John**\nWhere’s the bathroom?\n\n**Cher**\nI want it all.\n\n**Ed Sheeran**\nMy eyebrows itch.\n\n**Bad Bunny**\nI am going to consume this carrot, and you are powerless to stop me.\n\n**John Denver**\nThe bathroom is in Colorado.\n\n**John Cougar**\nThe bathroom is a litter box.\n\n**John Legend**\nThe bathroom doesn’t actually exist.\n\n**Lorde**\nDear God, please help me learn to spell.\n\n**Johnny Rotten**\nThe toilet smells bad.\n\n**Flo Rida**\nMeet my girlfriend, Ida Ho.\n\n**Johnny Cash**\nGot change for the pay toilet?\n\n**Eddie Money**\nYes, I do.\n\n**Jon Bon Jovi**\nParty in the outhouse!\n\n**Carrie Underwood**\nThe pallbearers have fallen.\n\n**Keith Richards**\nThe keys are too expensive.\n\n**Keith Urban**\nThe keys are in the city.\n\n**Keith Moon**\nThe keys are up my ass.\n\n**Taylor Swift**\nYour clothes are almost ready.\n\n**Britney Spears**\nThe Englishman has sharp knees.\n\n**Alicia Keys**\nWho the fuck is Keith?\n\n**P!NK**\nPink.\n\n**Eminem**\nSkittles.\n\n**Mama Cass Elliot**\nYour mother wears army boots.\n\n**Olivia Rodrigo**\nLet’s go fishing.\n\n**Olivia Dean**\nLet’s kidnap a senior administrator.\n\n**Olivia Newton-John**\nLet’s renovate the bathroom.",
  "title": "The Secret Meanings of Pop Stars’ Names"
}