{
  "$type": "site.standard.document",
  "bskyPostRef": {
    "cid": "bafyreie7b7drcioeuifbvsv74ltkq7ldjsgkwgwr3ij7kemmushe7eddn4",
    "uri": "at://did:plc:drhfnror6mux3y3rfothk73h/app.bsky.feed.post/3ml553byzk352"
  },
  "coverImage": {
    "$type": "blob",
    "ref": {
      "$link": "bafkreigxalj36ms6x5gfp3646td2y3dys436kcze7slrfj5n66hwmhxawe"
    },
    "mimeType": "image/png",
    "size": 1743581
  },
  "path": "/articles/a-kindergarten-teacher-attempts-to-explain-cryptocurrency-and-accidentally-creates-a-new-financial-system",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-05T12:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.mcsweeneys.net",
  "textContent": "At 9:03 a.m., Ms. Delgado makes the mistake of asking the class what their parents do for work.\n\n“Dentist,” says Maya.\n\n“Firefighter,” says Liam.\n\n“Bus driver,” says Emma.\n\nOliver raises his hand. “My dad mines crypto.”\n\nMs. Delgado nods politely, the way adults do when they encounter a sentence they hope will not require follow-up questions.\n\nUnfortunately, Sophie raises her hand. “What’s crypto?”\n\nMs. Delgado considers saying she doesn’t know. Instead, she says, “Imagine everyone has stickers.”\n\nThe class brightens immediately. Stickers are a language they understand.\n\n“Everyone gets ten stickers,” Ms. Delgado says, drawing circles on the whiteboard. “You can trade them with each other.”\n\nOliver nods approvingly. “Yes,” he says. “That’s like crypto.”\n\n“Great,” says Ms. Delgado. “So if Liam wants one of Maya’s stickers, he gives her something for it.”\n\nLiam raises his hand. “What if Maya says she never gave me the sticker?”\n\nMs. Delgado pauses. “Well,” she says carefully, “we write the trade down so everyone knows it happened.” She writes STICKER LIST on the board.\n\nOliver raises his hand. “That’s the blockchain.” Ms. Delgado writes BLOCKCHAIN underneath. “Exactly,” she says, hoping confidence will make the sentence true.\n\nEmma raises her hand. “Where are the stickers?”\n\nMs. Delgado hesitates. “The stickers are… invisible.”\n\nThe class waits for the rest of the explanation.\n\nThere is no rest of the explanation.\n\n“So we’re trading stickers we can’t see,” Sophie says.\n\n“Yes.”\n\n“And we know we have them because of the list.”\n\n“Yes.”\n\n“And nobody is in charge of the list.”\n\n“That’s correct.”\n\nLiam raises his hand. “What if someone takes the stickers?”\n\n“They can’t,” Ms. Delgado says quickly. “Because computers protect the list.”\n\nOliver nods again. “That’s mining.”\n\nMs. Delgado draws a small computer on the board. “Yes,” she says. “Computers work to keep the list safe.”\n\nEmma squints at the drawing. “So the computers make the stickers.”\n\n“Sort of.”\n\n“Why?”\n\nMs. Delgado pauses. “To reward the computers for helping.”\n\nThe class considers this.\n\nLiam raises his hand. “So the computers get paid in invisible stickers.”\n\n“Yes.”\n\n“Do the computers buy things with them?”\n\n“No.”\n\n“Then why do they want them?”\n\nMs. Delgado opens her mouth. Then closes it.\n\nOliver raises his hand. “Sometimes the stickers become worth a lot of money.”\n\nMs. Delgado nods eagerly. “Yes. Exactly.”\n\n“Why?” asks Sophie.\n\n“Well,” Ms. Delgado says slowly, “because people believe the stickers are valuable.”\n\nEmma raises her hand. “So if everyone believes in the stickers, they’re valuable.”\n\n“Yes.”\n\n“And if people stop believing?”\n\nMs. Delgado pauses. “Then they might not be.”\n\nOliver raises his hand again. “My dad bought a sticker once.”\n\nThe class gasps.\n\n“What kind?” asks Liam.\n\nOliver shrugs. “A monkey.”\n\nEmma raises her hand. “Are the monkeys invisible too?”\n\n“Yes.”\n\n“Can I draw one?”\n\n“No.”\n\nLiam raises his hand again. “My uncle lost most of his stickers during market volatility.”\n\nMs. Delgado nods solemnly. “That can happen.”\n\n“When?” asks Sophie.\n\n“Mostly during nap time,” Oliver says.\n\nMs. Delgado pauses. She begins to suspect she has accidentally created a speculative financial system.\n\nSophie raises her hand again. “Can we make our own stickers?”\n\nMs. Delgado considers this. “Well,” she says cautiously, “some people do create new kinds of stickers.”\n\nThe classroom grows louder.\n\n“I’m making dinosaur stickers,” says Liam.\n\n“I’m making snack-backed stickers,” says Sophie.\n\n“I’m making unicorn stickers,” says Emma. “But only ten of them.”\n\nOliver stands on his chair. “I’m launching StickerCoin.”\n\nWithin seconds, the children are trading invisible stickers across the carpet.\n\n“I’ll give you three dinosaur stickers for one unicorn sticker!”\n\n“Snack stickers are going up!”\n\n“I’m holding mine!”\n\nLiam raises his hand. “Can I buy stickers that represent other stickers?”\n\nOliver thinks about this. “Yes.”\n\nThe classroom erupts again.\n\nSophie announces she is starting a recess hedge fund and will manage everyone’s stickers for a small fee.\n\nOliver raises his hand for silence. “The sticker exchange has temporarily paused trading,” he announces. “We’re experiencing some liquidity issues.”\n\nLiam approaches Ms. Delgado’s desk. “I lost half my stickers,” he says quietly.\n\nMs. Delgado places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “That happens sometimes.”\n\nSophie raises her hand one final time. “So the stickers aren’t real,” she says.\n\n“No.”\n\n“The list is real.”\n\n“Yes.”\n\nSophie thinks about this. “And everyone is hoping someone else will want the sticker more than they do.”\n\nMs. Delgado looks at the whiteboard. The invisible stickers. The computers. The belief. She exhales. “Yes,” she says quietly. “That’s the plan.”\n\nOliver raises his hand. “Can we invest the class snack budget?”",
  "title": "A Kindergarten Teacher Attempts to Explain Cryptocurrency, and Accidentally Creates a New Financial System"
}