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  "path": "/articles/just-because-i-am-the-oracle-of-delphi-doesnt-mean-i-shouldnt-be-allowed-to-use-prediction-markets",
  "publishedAt": "2026-04-30T12:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.mcsweeneys.net",
  "textContent": "Just because I am Pythia, Oracle of Delphi, all-knowing high priestess of the Temple of Apollo, blessed with divine insight into all that shall come to pass, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to hop on a prediction-market platform and throw a couple hundred drachmae on the Lakers winning the NBA Championship (spoiler alert). Yes, technically, I know the inevitable result of every war, sporting event, election, and award show, but just like everyone in 2026, I need a little extra cash here and there to make ends meet.\n\nSome people say, “It’s unfair that you make money off your privileged information,” but, listen, rent on Mount Parnassus is getting out of control, and I have student loans left over from my purification rites. I need a sure-thing side gig that makes the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed (spending hours in a celestial trance while uttering cryptic prophecies to weary travelers in perfect hexameter) much more sustainable.\n\nSo what if I make a little money betting that the unemployment rate will increase in the United States next year (sorry, bad news) or that _Grand Theft Auto 6_ won’t come out until 2032 (sorry, more bad news). As far as I know, there are no explicit “no oracle” rules on these platforms, and until they make one, it’s totally fair game. Plus, if you were burdened with the locus of all divine wisdom, wouldn’t you do the same thing?\n\nDo I realize that other people betting money on these markets don’t have the power to peer into the mists of time and see, with total clarity, what the Fates have sewn? Yes. Do I know that not everyone will agree with me making money off this? Yes, I literally know everything. But I didn’t make other people bet their money. Plus, if they really wanted to know how their bet was gonna turn out, they could’ve come to me bearing sweet wines and a freshly sacrificed goat, and I would’ve told them—in the form of a riddle, of course.\n\nSo I’m gonna make as much money as I can while I still can—before civilization collapses under the weight of unrestrained and unregulated profiteering off global events (I put 100,000 drachmae on that).",
  "title": "Just Because I Am the Oracle of Delphi Doesn’t Mean I Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Use Prediction Markets"
}