{
  "$type": "site.standard.document",
  "bskyPostRef": {
    "cid": "bafyreiedxwkty7wom6dwja6hdxj54vwrwlhjbtcmr6m5g27itvgnvvqdai",
    "uri": "at://did:plc:drhfnror6mux3y3rfothk73h/app.bsky.feed.post/3mknvcosbskl2"
  },
  "coverImage": {
    "$type": "blob",
    "ref": {
      "$link": "bafkreia5fe7tbnn7x42xglxwf4nl6h4quvjahn5mq2dvkcavvq7fv5m35i"
    },
    "mimeType": "image/png",
    "size": 1006097
  },
  "path": "/articles/this-divorce",
  "publishedAt": "2026-04-29T12:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.mcsweeneys.net",
  "tags": [
    "With apologies to Rumi"
  ],
  "textContent": "_With apologies to Rumi._\n\n- - -\n\nMay this decree be signed expeditiously\nand this divorce be soon over.\n\nMay it be amicable.\nBut not too amicable.\nI refuse to vacation together.\nWho do we think we are,\nGwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin?\n\nMay this divorce be like oil and water,\nseparated indefinitely. In fact, let us be\nparallel lines. You go your way, I’ll go mine,\nnever touching again. Ever.\n\nMay this conscious uncoupling be full of freedom:\nfrom the nightly whistle of your CPAP machine\nand from your mother’s Christmas\nraisin bread pudding.\n\nOur every day a day where I no longer\nhave to rewash the same load of laundry\nbecause you left it sitting overnight,\nwhere I no longer have to listen\nto you explain the plot of a TV show\nI’m already watching, while I’m watching it.\nNo longer have to hear, for the 1,800th time,\nhow you bumped into Robert De Niro\nat the Tribeca Whole Foods self-checkout\nand endorsed his chantilly cake—\nthereby altering the course of cinema.\n\nMay this divorce be a sign of closure,\na “clean and completed chapter,” in the words of\nMeghan, our marriage counselor,\nwhat a rip-off _that_ was.\n\nMay this marriage have a fair exchange of assets\nand a good lawyer,\nan omen to download the dating apps\nand become a noncommittal problem\nfor an entirely new set of people.\n\nI am out of words to describe how thrilled I am\nto starfish-sprawl across the entire bed.",
  "title": "This Divorce"
}