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  "path": "/articles/teleportation-journeys-of-other-trump-administration-officials",
  "publishedAt": "2026-03-23T23:31:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.mcsweeneys.net",
  "tags": [
    "Yahoo News"
  ],
  "textContent": "_“Gregg Phillips, President Trump’s appointee overseeing disaster response, insists he was once teleported from his home to a Georgia Waffle House.”\n—Yahoo News_\n\n- - -\n\n**Pete Hegseth:** Frat party to a bathroom floor\n\n**Stephen Miller:** Transylvania to Washington, DC\n\n**Tulsi Gabbard:** Russia to the Fulton County Election Office\n\n**Linda McMahon:** _Friday Night Smackdown_ to your child’s public school classroom\n\n**Greg Bovino:** 1942 Germany to present-day America\n\n**JD Vance:** His marital bed to a Raymour & Flanigan\n\n**Sean Duffy:** _Real World/Road Rules Challenge_ set to the Department of Transportation—and very likely back again\n\n**Markwayne Mullin:** Anger management class to Rand Paul’s front yard\n\n**Pam Bondi:** Epstein Island to the document-shredding room\n\n**Russell Vought:** Hell to Earth\n\n**Kristi Noem:** DHS to an unknown location in the western hemisphere\n\n**Susie Wiles:** In an inexplicable coincidence, also from her home to a Georgia Waffle House\n\n**Marco Rubio:** A Senate position in which he stood up to Trump, to an administration position in which he is too afraid to tell Trump his correct shoe size\n\n**RFK Jr.:** Way too many to mention",
  "title": "Teleportation Journeys of Other Trump Administration Officials"
}