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  "path": "/articles/airborne-thoughts-of-an-olympic-ski-jumper",
  "publishedAt": "2026-02-10T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.mcsweeneys.net",
  "textContent": "Good take off… time for the weird forward lean.\n\nMake the pizza with your skis, yep. Heels are the tip, toes are crust.\n\nNice, Spencer! You’ve got this.\n\nWhy is Airplane WiFi so bad? Shouldn’t it be the best up here? Isn’t this where all the WiFi is?\n\nPhew, this is dangerous.\n\nWhy don’t I care about a show with the American crime letter agencies like CSI, NCIS, or FBI, but I LOVE a British show about MI6 or MI5? Do they feel that way about our shows?\n\nOh man, did I close the garage?\n\nI can’t believe some other guys are injecting their penises with PEDs to fly further.\n\nI feel like I’ve seen a lot of Snoopy lately. Is there a _Peanuts_ anniversary?\n\nMaybe I should’ve injected my penis with PEDs to fly further…\n\nI’m still in the air. Jesus.\n\nIs it too late for grad school?\n\nI’ve never hit a bird before.\n\nHold the reverse pizza.\n\nThis would be a terrible time to hit a bird.\n\nI’ll be so pissed off if I left a bunch of lights on at home—such an unnecessary bill.\n\nPizza does sound good. How have I been in Milan for this long and not had pizza? I kind of want to try Pizza Hut over here.\n\nI want to win, for sure. I DEFINITELY don’t want to go viral for hitting a bird—almost more than winning.\n\nDamnit, I think I did leave the garage open.\n\nHey, there are my parents.\n\nIt would be the most people to ever see someone hit a bird. It would pass the Randy Johnson video. It would be Randy Johnson, Fabio, and me. Three bird killers.\n\nWhat even goes on in grad school?\n\nEven though I haven’t used PEDs or injected my penis to be bigger and fly further, I want people to think I’ve enhanced my penis to fly further.\n\nThe pizza skis technique doesn’t apply to Detroit-style.\n\nWhat does a comptroller do?\n\nI really thought I’d be on the ground by now.",
  "title": "Airborne Thoughts of an Olympic Ski Jumper"
}